


i will find any way to your wild heart

by jakepuhralta



Category: Love Simon (2018), Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: Crossover, LGBTQ Themes, Love Simon Spoilers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-06-26 08:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15659238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jakepuhralta/pseuds/jakepuhralta
Summary: Simon Spier's best friends Leah Burke and Abby Suso nominate him for the second season of Queer Eye.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> CORRECTIONS (May 4, 2019): A couple of months after I've already finished writing the fic, I realised I completely forgot to include Simon's dog Bieber. Whoops.
> 
> Also I watched the movie again and realised the characters are in their SENIOR year of high school, not in Junior like this fic has depicted. Even though this is technically a mistake, I stand by my decision because them being in their Junior year makes more sense for the ending, and the book also depicts them in their Junior year, so it's not *completely* wrong. :-)
> 
> ****************** 
> 
> This fic takes place in a universe where Blue does not reveal his identity to Simon at the carnival scene. It is based more on Love, Simon than Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda because I feel like when you're writing fanfic for a book, you have to match the writing style, so I'm choosing to base it on the film adaptation instead.
> 
> I know that the first and second season of Queer Eye were filmed at the same time and not separately, but in this universe season two was filmed separately from season one.
> 
> Love, Simon/Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda spoilers, obviously, so read this only if you've read the book or watched the film.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leah and Abby try to convince Simon to make the most out of his summer.

"Oh my God, Simon, is _that_ all you've been doing the whole day?"

Simon Spier pressed pause and looked up from his laptop. There in his bedroom were two of his best friends, Leah Burke and Abby Suso. His other best friend and Abby's boyfriend, Nick Eisner, was at soccer camp for the first half of their summer vacation, and he wouldn't be back until a month later. For now, it was just the three of them.

"So what?" Simon asked glumly. He pressed play again.

"Dude, you've gotta give Queer Eye a rest," Leah said, walking over to his bed and putting her hand over his. "It was good maybe the first three times, but when you're watching it over and over when you could be doing anything else... it's just not healthy."

"Yeah, Simon. It's the third week of summer vacation and you haven't left your house yet. Leah and I have been calling you this morning. We were gonna ask if you wanted to go to the pool or something," Abby added.

"My phone was off," Simon replied. "And I'm not in the mood to swim."

"There's only eight episodes of Queer Eye. Are you telling me you've been watching the same eight episodes over and over for three weeks?" Leah asked. "And you've already watched it when it first came out in February."

"I watch the Fab Five's promotional videos and interviews on YouTube too. It's the only thing that's making me happy."

Leah and Abby looked at each other, worried. Simon really was in a funk.

Back in December, Simon was outed by their classmate Martin Addison, through a post on the Tumblr blog, Creekwood Secrets. It was a blog dedicated to gossip within Creekwood High, and a cheap attempt at imitating the concept of _Gossip Girl,_ Simon thought when it first started, but that didn't mean he didn't check it on a regular basis. Martin had discovered his emails to his penpal Blue, who was an anonymous student from Creekwood High that was also gay, and whom Simon was falling in love with. Martin took screenshots and blackmailed him with it if Simon didn't help him get together with Abby. Abby rejected Martin before a big football game in front of the entire school, and in a desperate attempt to shift the humiliation from him to someone else, he had submitted a post to creekwoodsecrets outing Simon with the screenshots of his emails.

It was a miserable couple of weeks for Simon. He got outed, and therefore had to deal with stares and whispers as he walked to class. Blue even deleted his email account, Martin's post scaring him away. Eventually, Nick, Abby, and Leah found out that he deliberately kept Nick and Abby apart in order to help Martin, which led to them not talking to him for a couple of weeks. Fortunately, they had all made up after the last performance of the school musical, which Simon and Abby were in. He had submitted a post to Creekwood Secrets, telling Blue that he would be waiting for him on the ferris wheel at the school carnival later that night.

Blue never came.

It was the most humiliated Simon had ever felt, even worse than getting outed. He could get over being outed--people would have to deal with him being gay, and if they couldn't accept that then they were being homophobic, which wasn't his fault--but he couldn't get over being rejected by someone he didn't even know the real identity of in front of everyone from school. Even worse, he loved this person, whoever he was.

When everyone realized the person Simon was waiting for would never come--the cranky long-haired guy operating the ferris wheel even looking a little sorry for him as he finally stopped it and Simon got off--he wanted to evaporate, never to be seen again. He went straight to his car and drove home. His family of course had watched the school musical, but he told them he would meet them at home as he had something to do at the carnival. That night, he had opened the front door to his house, his family waiting for him in the living room. "Hey, champ-" his father started, about to congratulate him, but he climbed straight to his room and shut the door. His phone had started ringing and buzzing with texts and calls from his friends, but he answered none of them.

Of course, he had to go back to school. His mind and body were on auto-pilot for the rest of the year, walking through the halls without looking at anyone, staring off into space during lunch with his friends, hyperfocusing on homework when he got home. He couldn't afford to drown in that night's humiliation, because there was so much of the school year left to get through. He pushed all of that into the back of his mind until the year ended.

Now, it was summer. And he had all the time in the world to think about it and be miserable.

"Are you really not going to come out of your room and do something with us, Simon? It's already 4 in the afternoon," Leah said worriedly.

Simon sighed. He paused Netflix again and looked at his friends properly this time. "Look, um... I'm not in the mood to go out today, but I will talk to you guys later, okay? Skype session after dinner, sound good?" he said, compromising.

Leah looked at Abby, who shrugged. "Okay. We'll take it. But we really hope you go outside one of these days and get some sunshine. You're getting dark circles around your eyes."

"I'm trying to look like Antoni Porowski, thank you very much," Simon said sarcastically.

Leah rolled her eyes while Abby giggled. "Well, it's working. Okay, we're gonna go, but we're holding you to that Skype session. 8 P.M. like old times, right?"

"Yeah, yeah," Simon said dismissively, already pressing play and staring at his laptop screen like he had been doing for the past three weeks. Leah and Abby exited the room, Abby shutting the door behind her but not without glancing at him worriedly.

Simon and his friends watched Queer Eye when it first came out on Netflix in February. Of course he was too young to have watched the original show on Bravo, but now that he was openly gay, the idea of seeing out-and-proud gay men on his screen was exciting. Although he was too depressed by Blue leaving him high and dry to actually _be excited_ about the show, only watching it at Leah's insistence. The four of them had gathered in his living room (as he had the biggest living room and biggest TV out of the four of them), staring at Tan France, Antoni Porowski, Jonathan Van Ness, Bobby Berk, and Karamo Brown helping mostly straight men get their shit together. It was also funny to him, the fact that grown men still needed help from other people in looking and living halfway decently.

He had loved the show, but had no time to hyperfixate on it because of school. It was just a cool little thing he bingewatched with his friends on a cold night in February when they were all bored and Leah had discovered it while perusing Netflix. But now that it was summer, he had all the time in the world to obsess over it, as a means of distracting himself from the fact that Blue had all but disappeared after Martin had outed him.

It was the only thing making him happy.

 

\---

 

"So I told him, 'sorry, I have a boyfriend,' and then he was like, 'I don't see him,' so I said, 'he's at soccer camp, but just because you don't see him doesn't mean you can walk up to me and be creepy', you know what I mean?" Abby said, finishing up her story.

"Yeah, that guy was a jerk," Simon said.

They had been Skyping for almost two hours. And while he did miss talking to his friends like this, he didn't really have anything to contribute. Leah had been right when she said he was only watching Queer Eye and anything related to the Fab Five for the past three weeks. He yawned.

Leah noticed. "Are you bored?" she asked.

"No no no, I'm just... tired, I guess. It was really nice talking to you guys, though."

Leah and Abby nodded, understanding. "Okay, well, at least this means you haven't screwed over your body clock and you're actually sleepy at an appropriate time, so that's something," Leah said. "We _will_ ask you again tomorrow to come outside and hang out, don't think this means you're off the hook."

"Yeah, fine, Leah. Good night, guys," Simon said.

"Good night." The three of them log out of Skype.

Leah closed Skype and opened up Google Chrome, typing in Facebook on the address bar. There was a notification from the 'Atlanta events' Facebook group she was a member of. She clicked on it.

Someone had posted what looked like a digital flyer five minutes ago. It said that the casting department of Queer Eye was now accepting applicants for 'heroes' for the second season, and that they were returning to Atlanta to film it. There was an email address at the bottom where people can nominate heroes by sending to it their story, photos, and reason why they were nominating this person for Queer Eye.

"The Fab Five's coming to Atlanta again?" Leah asked out loud. Of course, none of them knew they had come to Atlanta when they filmed season one, as it wasn't widely known the show was even getting a reboot in the first place.

It was obvious to Leah who the perfect person in her life was to nominate for Queer Eye. The thing was, she didn't know if he'd be okay with it.

"But Simon loves the Fab Five," she said to herself, thinking out loud. "He's obsessed with them."

She opened Skype again and called Abby. "What's up?" Abby asked. "I thought you were going to bed."

"Abby, guess what?"

"What, Leah?"

"I just saw a post on Facebook saying Queer Eye's coming back to Atlanta to film season two."

"Aww, that's great! That means they got picked up for season two. That show is so awesome."

"Yeah, but get this. They're now asking for nominees. As in, they're asking people to nominate people they know so they could be on the show."

"Okay....?"

"Simon."

"What about him?"

"Do you think we should nominate him?"

Abby gasped. "He's gonna be so freaked."

"I know, right? He loves them. He loves the Fab Five and the show. But I don't know if he's gonna be _thrilled_ if he was the one getting made over."

"I think it could be good for him. He gets to meet the Fab Five, which would make us THE BEST FRIENDS EVER, plus it would actually make him go outside and _do something_ this summer, you know?"

That convinced Leah. "Abby, you are a genius. You are totally right."

"So are we doing it? Are we gonna nominate him?"

Leah took a deep breath. "I think so. And I mean, if he really hates it, we can always back out, right? Tell the producers we changed our minds. And they might not even choose our story."

"That's true."

"Okay. I'm gonna draft an email then send it to you maybe tomorrow."

Abby giggled. "Alright. Good night, Leah."

They both logged out of Skype. Leah opened her Gmail account, and typed in the email address from the flyer.

Then she began to type.

_Dear Queer Eye casting department..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leah and Abby tell Simon what he's in for.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Simon yelled.

Leah and Abby cringed and stepped back from their best friend. Simon wasn't the sort of person to get angry often, but when he was, he was REALLY angry. Not the violent type, of course, but he could give you the cold shoulder for weeks until he got tired of ignoring you. And he was a yeller.

"Yeah. We thought it was a good idea, Si. And we still do," Abby said sheepishly.

A week ago, just after the Skype call she had with Simon and Abby, Leah had drafted an email to the Queer Eye casting department, pitching that they make over Simon and have him be one of the show's 'heroes'. She showed it to Abby the morning after.

Abby giggled. "Okay, let's see what you got, Leah," she said, leaning over Leah's shoulder to look at her laptop screen.

Leah pulled up Gmail and clicked on her Drafts, grinning. "Here it is."

_SUBJECT: Nominee for Queer Eye_

_Dear Queer Eye casting department,_

_My name is Leah Burke. My friend Abby Suso and I would like to nominate our best friend Simon Spier. Simon is 17, has brown hair, brown eyes, is six feet tall, and weighs 180 pounds. I have attached some of his photos to this email._

_The reason why we would like to nominate him is that... it's been a rough school year for him. We just finished our junior year of high school and would be going into senior year after this summer. He's openly gay, but he got outed by another classmate of ours around Christmas last year. Aside from dealing with that and the homophobia that came with that, he was also rejected by someone he had feelings for. I'm choosing not to go into too much detail because it's not my story to tell, and I think it's best if he tells you this story himself, should you choose him for the show._

_He has been in a funk since the school year ended, not going outside the house and instead, choosing to bingewatch Queer Eye over and over again. He's a huge fan of the show and the Fab Five, but ironically I don't think this is what the Fab Five would want him to be doing all summer. But aside from that, he also only wears shirts and hoodies, constantly has messy hair, and has probably not been within ten feet of facial wash._

_Please help him! Aside from being made over, he would get to meet the Fab Five and hopefully get him out of his moodiness, plus Abby and I would be the best friends ever._

_Sincerely,_

_Leah Burke (and Abby Suso)_

"Nice, Leah!" Abby said, raising her hand for a high-five.

"So you agree with everything? You don't want me to change anything?" Leah asked.

"I think that's a really good email. It's succinct and gets straight to the point. And I liked the photos that you attached."

"So we can send it now, right?" Leah asked excitedly.

"Yes! Do it!"

Leah clicked Send.

Twelve hours later, just as Leah was walking over to her desk with a cup of coffee, her laptop dinged with a notification. She leaned over to read it.

_GMAIL: from queereye.casting@netflix.com re: Nominee for Queer Eye..._

Leah almost spilled her coffee. "OH MY GOD!" she yelled. She put her coffee cup on her bedside table, not wanting to accidentally spill any on her laptop. But before she clicked on it, she called Abby on Skype first.

"Abby! Guess what?!"

"What?"

"They replied! I just got the notification!"

"ALREADY?" Abby asked, her eyes growing wide. "We just sent it this morning!"

"I know, that's why I was shocked too!" Leah took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. "I haven't opened it yet. Just because they replied doesn't mean they chose Simon."

"True."

"But I'm gonna open it now and read it to you, okay?"

Leah opened up Gmail.

_from: queereye.casting@netflix.com_

_re: Nominee for Queer Eye_

_Dear Leah and Abby,_

_We loved the story you sent us, and we think your best friend Simon Spier would be a good nominee for Queer Eye. The fact that he's a gay high school student who got outed is an important story to represent within our show, as it's not just for 'the straight guy' anymore._

_However, you mentioned that he is 17 years old, making him underaged. Heroes have to be at least 18 years of age. Unless he has parental permission, he cannot be a part of Queer Eye._

_All the best,_

_The Queer Eye casting department_

"NOOOOOOO," Leah wailed. 

"Wait, why are you upset?" Abby asked.

"Huh?" Leah asked, looking up.

"They said he just needs parental permission. So why don't we talk to Mr and Mrs Spier?"

"I don't know, Abby. Mr and Mrs Spier might be cool, but there's no guarantee they'll let him be on the show. I thought this could just be a fun little thing that _we_ get to do for Simon. I'm not sure about involving his parents."

"Leah, what are you talking about? If they choose Simon, they're gonna be filming at their house anyway, so of course they're gonna be involved. And also: they trust you. They trust us. They've known you since you and Simon were toddlers. And I'm almost sure they know Simon's been really sad lately and they would love for him to actually do something this summer. Why wouldn't they say yes?"

"Oh my God, Abby. Is it possible you're actually smarter than me?" Leah teased.

Abby rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Just get Mrs Spier on the phone, or go over there tomorrow. I'm going to bed."

"Can you meet me over there tomorrow morning?" Leah asked.

"Yeah, of course. Good night," Abby said, yawning.

The next morning, a day after Leah sent the email and two days after she and Abby talked to Simon, they knocked on the front door of the Spier residence.

"Oh. Hey, girls. You're here early," Mrs Spier said. "Um, I don't think Simon's up yet, should I go and wake him?" she asked, looking over her shoulder.

"Actually, we'd prefer you didn't," Abby said.

"We came over here to talk to you and Mr Spier."

"Okay," Mrs Spier said, a little confused. "Well, come on in."

"Hi, Mr Spier," Leah greeted him.

"Hi, girls. What brings you over here so early?"

The four of them sat down on the living room.

"Have you guys heard of the show Queer Eye?" Leah started.

"Uhh, yeah, the one on Bravo from like ten years ago, right?" Mr Spier said.

"Yeah. But Netflix made a reboot of it. The first season premiered just a few months ago, back in February."

"Okay. Well, what does this have to do with us?"

"Well. Season one was filmed in Atlanta. They're actually about to film season two, and they're coming back here for a second time to do that."

"So we were wondering if we can have your permission..." Abby said.

Leah and Abby looked at each other. "To nominate Simon," they said together.

The Spiers raised their eyebrows, then looked at each other. "Oh, wow. Really?" Mrs Spier asked.

"I don't know, girls. I don't think Simon's up for that. He's been a little glum since school ended."

"See, that's the thing! He's actually a huge fan of the show, and we thought being on it could cheer him up. Plus, it would give him something to do, hopefully get his mind off... you know, the whole Blue thing."

"Oh," Mrs Spier said. They heard about the whole Blue thing. The Spiers weren't totally oblivious parents. They loved and cared about Simon too much not to wonder why he slammed his bedroom door shut right after he came home from the musical. They gave him the night to cool off, but the next day they talked to him. That's when they found out about just how Simon got outed at school, and the penpal he was falling in love with.

And how they stood Simon up at the school carnival.

"So do you really think this could be good for him?"

"Absolutely! But if he really doesn't want to, we can always back out. They can't force him to film if he doesn't want to."

"And the show is going to film at our house, correct?"

"Yeah. He's underaged, which is why we need your permission in the first place, but also to give you a heads up that a camera crew is going to be at your house, should they choose him to be on the show."

Mr and Mrs Spier looked at each other again. Mr Spier shrugged. "I mean, it's fine by me. You have our permission, girls, but in the end... it's up to Simon."

Abby gasped. "Thank you so much! We promise, this will all be worth it."

"Good luck, girls."

Leah and Abby wasted no time emailing back the Queer Eye casting department.

_re: re: Nominee for Queer Eye_

_Hello again,_

_We talked to Simon's parents. They gave us their full permission to nominate their son as well as film at their house._

_Please write us back!_

_Sincerely,_

_Leah and Abby_

After a few hours, Leah got a reply.

_re: re: re: Nominee for Queer Eye_

_Perfect! That's great, you guys. Before we meet you in person, we have to do a Skype session with you first as well as his parents. Would that be possible?_

_Just know that we have already chosen Simon's story, but we must talk to you guys before we finalize things. If things are looking good, our producers will be going down there to meet you, and Simon, of course._

_All the best!_

She called Abby right after she got that email and screeched so loud Abby had to hold her phone away from her face. She and the Queer Eye casting department exchanged a couple of more emails just to set the day and time they would hold the Skype session. Immediately after that, she called the Spiers and told them the Queer Eye people needed to talk to them as well, since Simon was underaged. She also explained to them that she wanted this to be a surprise for now, and didn't want Simon catching on, which is why she wanted to hold the Skype session in her house.

The day of the Skype session came around, and the four of them sat in Leah's living room. Her parents had taken her siblings to the beach that day, so the house was empty.

Two women from the Queer Eye casting department talked to them, asked them a little bit more about Simon, what his personality was like, what his hobbies were, and what his normal daily routine was like. The Skype session lasted around 45 minutes before they told them that Simon was officially a nominee for Queer Eye, and the producers were coming down to Creekwood to meet with them at the end of that week.

That was today.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod," Simon muttered to himself, his hands clutching his hair as he paced back and forth in the kitchen.

"This could be good for you, Simon. You've been doing nothing but lock yourself in your room every day," Leah said.

"Didn't you ever think of asking me first? Before signing me up for this?" Simon asked.

"I thought that... if I asked you first before sending that first email, you'd say no. And it wouldn't ever happen. Sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission."

Simon scoffed.

"Plus, you'll get to meet the Fab Five! You still love them, right?" Abby asked.

"That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to meet them, because I don't _deserve_ to. I don't want to subject them to... this," Simon said, gesturing to his body.

"Oh, come on, Simon. They've seen worse. Remember that one guy from season one? Neal? He looked like a frigging Yeti. And another guy was a _Trump-supporting cop._ You think the Fab Five are going to be too repulsed by you to make you over? Why would you underestimate them like that?" Leah asked.

Simon stopped pacing. He calmed down, but just a little. "How did you even get to nominate me? Don't I have to be at least 18 to be on the show?"

"They told us we needed your parents' permission, so we just asked them. And they said yes."

"SO THIS WAS HAPPENING JUST UNDER MY NOSE? MY _PARENTS_ WERE IN ON THIS?" he yelled. Leah and Abby thought he was starting to look like a maniac.

"Okay, okay! Okay, Simon, if you really don't wanna do this, then just tell the producers. They'll be here any minute. Tell them you've changed your mind or something," Leah said.

"Hang on. So _they_ think I knew about this?"

"Well... yeah. We didn't tell them we wanted this to be a surprise," Abby said apologetically. "We were going on the assumption that you'd be okay with it."

There was a knock at the door.

Leah bit her lip. "I think that's them. Do you want me to answer the door?"

"Whatever," Simon muttered. He walked over to the couch and sat down, his hands starting to sweat.

"Hello! Is this the Spier residence?" A balding man with a white beard and a Latina woman stood at the door.

"Yes it is, come on in," Leah said.

"I'm David Collins, the creator of the show, and this is Rachelle Mendez, one of the executive producers," the man told them. "Who's Leah and who's Abby?"

"I'm Leah, and this is Abby."

"And where's the man of the hour? Ahh, there he is!" David exclaimed, spotting Simon on the couch.

Simon stood up. "Hi, Mr Collins. Hi, Ms Mendez. It's nice to meet you," he said politely, shaking their hands.

The five of them sat in the living room. "So. We're here because your best friends nominated you for Queer Eye. We chose your story as one of the eight that we're doing this season, just like last time. We chose it because... it spoke to us. You're a gay high school student, and you got outed. Your family and friends are accepting, but your classmates weren't, not at first. Is that right?"

"Mm-hmm," Simon nodded.

"And they said you got... rejected by someone you liked? Is there more to this story or-"

"Actually, Mr Collins-" Leah interrupted.

"Please, call me David."

"David. Um, I think Simon has something to tell you." Leah looked at Simon pointedly, indicating that if he was going to back out, he should do it now.

"What is it, Simon?"

Simon looked at Leah for a moment, then sighed. He really wasn't up for this. Being on a TV show, where millions of people in 190 countries were going to see him? Being made over?

But he knew he could never live with and would never forgive himself if he passed up an opportunity to meet the Fab Five.

"Just that I'm excited to do this," he said, giving a half-hearted smile.

"Perfect! We are, too. So tell us more about this story of how you got rejected."

"It is actually a very long story, and it's connected to how I got outed in the first place..."

So Simon sat there in his living room, with two of his best friends, and these two people he had never met before that day, and recounted the most humiliating moment of his life so far.

Just as their meeting was coming to a close, they heard a honk outside, which meant Simon's parents were home from work. David and Rachelle talked to them for a bit, telling them how Simon was such a lovely boy and how lucky they were to have him on Queer Eye.

"We're going to start filming your episode next week! See you soon, Simon!" David said, as he and Rachelle exited the front door. "Bye!"

Leah and Abby squealed as Simon shut the door. "You're gonna do it after all! I knew you had it in you, Simon! This is gonna be so much fun, and we _all_ get to meet the Fab Five!" Abby said.

"Uh-huh, yeah," Simon said exhaustedly. 

"Okay, we're gonna go too. Talk to you tomorrow!" Leah said. She and Abby left.

"The producers seemed nice, didn't they?" Mr Spier said.

"Yeah, they did," Mrs Spier agreed. "This is all very exciting. Dinner's in an hour, Simon," she called as Simon climbed up the stairs to his room.

He shut the door and laid down on his bed. His laptop was on the Netflix homepage, just as it had been for the past four weeks.

He closed it. Then he sighed. The fact that he was going to be on an episode of an _extremely popular show_ on an _extremely popular international streaming service_ finally sunk into him.

And he was going to meet his five most favorite people in the world.

He grabbed a pillow and pressed it to his face. Then he screamed.

 _Oh my God,_ he thought. _This is all happening._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon meets the Fab Five.

Simon opened his eyes with a start, remembering what day it was.

"Oh God," he said out loud. "Oh God!"

He flung back his comforter and got up from his bed, immediately trying to tidy up his room. Vinyl records were strewn haphazardly on the floor of his bedroom, his books looked like fallen dominos on the shelf above his desk. He gathered up the records and stacked them neatly, but had no place to put them since the rest of his room was still cluttered. He put them on his bed for now. He then gathered dirty clothes from the floor and put them in the laundry basket by his closet. He saw his books that were about to topple over on his shelf and straightened them, but they fell over each other again. "FUCK!" he screamed, frustrated.

"Simon, chill."

Leah had knocked on his door earlier, but he was too busy tidying up his room like a maniac to have heard her so she let herself in. Simon looked at her, startled.

"Jesus, Leah. Stop sneaking up on me like that," he said, clutching his chest.

"What did I tell you about not getting stressed out? Once again, _the Fab Five have seen worse._ You need to give yourself some credit."

"Just because they've seen worse doesn't mean I have to completely embarrass myself in front of them. They can't _really_ know how I live," he said. He picked up a pair of shoes from the floor and put them in the closet. "Oh God, Bobby. I hope I don't disappoint you _too much,_ " he muttered to himself.

Leah laughed. "Holy shit, dude. You're gonna be fine."

A couple of days ago, the Queer Eye camera crew went to Simon's house so they could film some shots depicting Simon doing things he did on a normal summer day. He was filmed flipping through one of his comic books, watching something on his laptop, and listening to music on his record player. Leah and Abby were also filmed with him, the three of them taking a walk through the park, as well as going through the drive-thru of their favorite coffee shop to get iced coffees. After that, Leah and Abby were filmed answering questions about Simon, separately at first.

"I've known Simon since we were four years old," Leah said to the camera affectionately. "Simon and I and our other best friend Nick, who's away at soccer camp this summer, were all in the same kindergarten class and we just naturally stuck together, you know?"

"I've actually only known Simon for a year because I'm new in Creekwood. But he was the first person who's ever talked to me and he just... adopted me into their friend group. Now he's one of the most important people in my life," Abby said.

"The funny thing is, I was actually... in love with Simon," Leah said shyly. "Then he got outed and he officially came out. It was a whole thing, but obviously nothing's gonna happen between us because he's gay and I'm a girl. Now he's just like a brother to me, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Then the crew member asked to interview Leah and Abby together.

"It's because he's our best friend that we nominated him for this show," Leah said.

"He's been a little down and... heartbroken, but we know that the Fab Five can absolutely help fix this," Abby added.

"Simon is a huge fan of the show and the Fab Five so he's gonna DIE when he meets them."

Simon was also filmed addressing the camera, but only briefly. "Yeah, I'm... excited to meet the Fab Five," he said meekly. He looked down on his lap and exhaled through his mouth. Then he looked back up at the camera. "Holy shit, I'm gonna meet the Fab Five."

"Am I, Leah? _Am I?_ " Simon asked, frustratedly but not unkindly. "I really am such a mess," he muttered to himself.

"What are you rushing around for, anyway?"

"I overslept, okay? I was supposed to be awake an hour ago to tidy up. The producers told me not to clean because they wanted to film me being in my messy room for the B-roll, remember? But obviously I was gonna clean up a bit before the Fab Five _actually_ got here."

Leah glanced at her watch. "Okay, look. You still have some time to take a shower and get dressed before they get here. The camera crew _is_ going to come by before the Fab Five so they can film you inside the house when you meet them-"

"Yeah, I remember that."

"So... go take a shower, and I'll clean up for you."

"Oh my God, you will?!"

"Yeah. I was the one who signed you up for this and damn if I'm not going to help you look at least... a little presentable," Leah said, gesturing around the room.

"Alright, I swear I'm gonna be out in twenty," Simon said, running to his closet to grab a towel. He then flung his bedroom door open to run to the bathroom he shared with his sister across the hall.

Leah rolled her eyes good-naturedly, picking up the clutter around Simon's room. She made his bed and straightened up what needed to be straightened.

Twenty minutes passed, and Simon entered his room, wrapped with a white towel from the waist down.

"Okay, I'm gonna leave so you can get dressed. I'll be downstairs," Leah said.

"And thanks for cleaning up my room!" Simon called out as Leah closed the door.

He opened up his closet and grabbed a pair of underwear, a pair of shorts, and a shirt, and laid all of it out on his bed. But instead of getting dressed, he stood in front of the mirror and stared at himself.

He took a deep breath. "You got this, Simon. Don't freak out. This is not the fucking time to freak out. Stay cool, you dumbass. Nothing bad's gonna happen if you just stay calm."

He stood there in front of the mirror for a few more minutes, trying to psych himself up. He jumped up and down and shook his arms. 

Suddenly, his door flew wide open.

"HI, SIMON! I'M JONATHAN!" 

Simon screamed.

Standing there in his doorway was Jonathan Van Ness, in the flesh. And the rest of the Fab Five. Behind them were Leah and Abby, a camera person, and a sound person.

Bobby Berk burst out laughing. "Oh, you guys, he's not dressed yet!" Then he turned to Simon. "I'm Bobby," he said, putting out his hand for Simon to shake as he stepped foot into the room, the rest of them following suit.

"I'm Tan, nice to meet you!"

"I'm Antoni, how's it going?"

"Hi, I'm Karamo!"

"Trust me, he knows who you guys are," Abby said teasingly.

Simon stood there, his jaw to the floor. His hand clutched his towel to prevent it from falling and accidentally exposing his crotch to two of his best friends and five of the people he most looked up to.

"Oh my God, you look so scared! Simon, just relax, we're here to help you," Tan said.

"Wh- How- What are you guys...doing here? I'm-" he stuttered.

"Yeah, our film crew mixed up the times a little and we all got here too early. They only realized once your parents let them in and they were waiting in the living room, so they scrapped filming today's B-roll because they knew you were still getting ready and figured we could just go straight to meeting you. Then we met Abby outside as she was walking up to the door and realized she was one of the nominators," Karamo said, gesturing to Abby. "Girl, you are just the cutest thing."

Abby beamed, as Karamo squeezed her against him affectionately. "Oh, why thank you."

 _Leave it to Abby to already be friends with someone from the Fab Five,_ Leah thought.

"God, you have such a cool room!" Jonathan exclaimed, walking around.

"Agreed," Bobby said. "Although it's still really cluttered."

"Oh my God, look at those vinyls he has over there!" Antoni said, walking up to the stack of records Leah put next to the record player. 

"And the walls next to his bed are made of... chalkboard? That's so cool," Karamo added.

Simon just stood there, aghast, as the Fab Five walked around his room. 

"Simon, do you wanna go get dressed, maybe?" Leah asked, amused, as she and Abby stood up from his bed. 

"Yeah- uh- be back in a sec, you guys!" he yelled as he grabbed his clothes and ran out of his own room and back into the bathroom.

 _Holy shit, they're here,_ he thought, as he put on his underwear. _They're literally in my room, right now, figuring out how I live, just like the start of any episode of Queer Eye._

He went back to his bedroom, now fully dressed. "Ahh, now he's dressed!" Karamo exclaimed while the rest of them chuckled.

Simon laughed sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"We're sorry, Simon, we didn't mean to bust in on you and scare you like that. We planned on knocking first, but _someone--_ " Bobby pointedly looked at Jonathan, "got too excited and jumped the gun."

"Hey, forgive me for being eager!" Jonathan said, flipping his hair.

Tan beckoned him over to his closet, which was already open. "So what's going on here, mate?" Tan ruffled through the shirts that were hanging up inside. "Oh my god, it's the same thing. T-shirts and hoodies! Don't you have anything different?"

"Uhh, not really. Shirts are safe, you know?"

"What about button-downs? Sweaters that are _not_ hoodies?"

"Only on special occasions. It's Atlanta and... it's hot. I'll wear a jacket or a hooded sweatshirt when I need to, but... I dunno, I guess I like playing it safe."

Tan looked at him affectionately. "And why is that, Simon?" he asked, a little more gently. 

"I just--I don't want to draw unnecessary attention to myself. Even before I got outed, I just wanted to be like everyone else, blend in. So _after_ I got outed, it got worse, and...that made me not want to draw attention to myself even more," Simon replied.

Tan took this in. "Okay. I can put you in some nicer clothes that aren't too _flashy_ or attention-grabby. Just because you want to blend in, doesn't mean you have to wear the same drab clothes over and over. There's a way to _not_ stand out but still be dressed nicely. So hang tight, okay?" Tan said, squeezing Simon's shoulder.

"Okay," Simon said, but what he was really thinking was, _Holy shit, Tan France just squeezed my shoulder and gave me advice about clothes._

Bobby was inspecting Simon's desk in the corner of the room. "Simon, I hate to say it, but your study space is _so_ disorganized. I mean, how do you concentrate on _anything_ when you're here?"

Simon walked over to Bobby. "Oh, yeah, I do most of my studying on my bed. I really only use my desk to use my computer, and even then I also have a laptop, which I use in bed too."

"Oh, Simon. You're going into senior year, aren't you? It's better to study while sitting down at a desk, because when you're in bed, your mind starts to relax too much and you lose your motivation to _really_ concentrate and study. Now, obviously, I'm not going to renovate your entire house, which is already immaculate anyway, so I'm only going to do your room but with a focus on this," Bobby said, gesturing to his desk.

"Sounds good," Simon nodded, smiling politely at Bobby. But inside, he thought, _Oh no, I haven't disappointed him, have I?_

"Simon!" Jonathan was standing at the doorway of his bedroom, gesturing at him to follow. "Let's go into your bathroom for a sec." Simon did as he was told.

"Now. Where are we on grooming?" Jonathan asked. They were standing in front of the mirror above the sink, in the bathroom he and his sister Nora shared.

"Uhh. There's really not much to groom. I get _some_ facial hair but never enough to constitute an actual beard. My dad says I'm a late bloomer, so..."

"Okay! I'm looking at your face, and I'm seeing this _gaw-juss_ lil baby boy, and not to take away from that, but I also see that you have a few pimple scars here and there."

"Yeah, I... I pop pimples. I can't help it," Simon shrugged sheepishly.

"Oh no, Simon! You should never do that! But I admit, I did it all the time when I was your age too. Popping pimples is like, _part_ of being a teenager, so I don't blame you one bit. But we have to stop doing that. Now, what do you do with your hair?"

"Nothing, really. I get a haircut when it gets too long, but that's about it."

Jonathan started finger-combing Simon's hair. "Ooh, boy, I can see that your hair is... _healthy,_ and luscious, but it's greasy. How often do you wash your hair?"

"Every time I take a shower, which is every other day."

"Uh-uh. That is way too often. See, when you wash your hair too often with shampoo, your scalp releases too much oil, more than what's necessary, which makes your hair constantly greasy. At the most, you should really only wash your hair like, twice a week, unless you're especially gross that day. Your haircut already looks good so I'm not going to make any drastic changes but it's getting a little too long at the back. Do you want me to clean that up?"

"Yeah, sure!"

Jonathan opened the mirrored cabinet above the sink. "Let's see what you got in here."

The cabinet contained a modest collection of skincare products, more than half of which belonged to Nora. Jonathan picked up a bottle of facial wash. "This baby's still full."

"Yeah, um, I don't get to use it that much."

"And why not?" Jonathan asked.

"Uhh...I dunno. I keep forgetting to wash my face I guess. Like I never know the right time to wash it. Is it before I shower? After I shower? Before I go to bed? After I wake up?"

"Yes, yes, yes, and yes! You should be washing your face at all of those times, Simon. It'll really help with the scars you got from your zits. So we should start doing that as well. A lot of these products are feminine, though. Good for you!"

"Actually, most of those are my sister's."

"You know what? It wouldn't be a bad idea to just borrow some of her products. But for the sake of fairness, we _will_ get you some of your own products so you can take care of your skin better, because honey, you have to take care of your skin while you're still young. It's going to be WAY harder when you're older, trust me."

"Okay."

Jonathan stared at him for a moment. "You know who you remind me of?"

"Who?

"Antoni. Oh my God. You kind of look like a younger version of Antoni."

 _"What?"_ Simon asked incredulously. He blushed. "No, I don't!"

"Yeah, you do! The haircut, the facial structure, even the dark circles around your eyes! If there's ever a biopic about him, you should _totally_ play the younger version of Antoni."

"Or he could play the older version of _me_ in _my_ biopic." Simon and Jonathan both laughed.

 _I made a joke and Jonathan Van Ness laughed. Who am I?!_ Simon thought.

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened and Antoni's head popped in. "Did I hear my name?" he asked, grinning.

"No, you're just really conceited," Jonathan teased.

"Whatever, Jonathan! Let's go downstairs to your kitchen, Simon," Antoni said.

"Okay. So what do you usually eat? Do you ever cook?" Antoni asked as they stood around the kitchen island.

"Nope! I just eat whatever my mom and sister cook. I tried to cook pancakes once and set off the smoke alarm."

"You have a sister? Where is she?"

"Yeah. Nora's thirteen. She's away at summer camp, but she'll be home in a couple of days. She's _obsessed_ with cooking."

A wide grin formed on Antoni's face. "You know what? I would like to involve her when I teach you to cook something. I think it'll be a good bonding experience."

"Okay, but Nora doesn't usually like it when I try to help, which isn't very often," Simon replied.

"Oh, I'm like that too. Whenever I throw a dinner party, I don't want anyone helping me in the kitchen unless I _really_ need it. But I learned how to cook from my grandma. As a kid, I would stand next to her while she was stirring something in this big pot, and watching her cook was what really strengthened my connection with her. Also, I don't get to talk to my sisters a lot anymore, and... I would love to watch you spend some more time with your sister. Do you think she'd be into that?"

"Well, she's pretty nice, and I guess her helping you teach me how to cook is different from me trying to help when she's cooking, so maybe." Simon shrugged.

Antoni smiled. "Alright. I'll take it." He walked over to the Spiers' pantry. "Now let's see what else you kids eat." He opened the pantry door.

His jaw dropped. "Oh my God, Simon," he said, his back to Simon. The entire second shelf was filled with packages of Oreos.

Antoni turned around and faced Simon. "Your family loves Oreos, huh?"

Simon rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah... actually, those are all just mine."

Antoni stared at him, which reminded Simon of that time when Antoni found out the cop from episode 3 of Queer Eye, Corey, drank pickle juice. "You're kidding."

"I wish I was."

Antoni chuckled. After a couple of more minutes of browsing the Spier pantry, they climbed back up to Simon's room, where the rest of the Fab Five were waiting.

Simon looked around at them. Antoni was wearing the bowtie that he wore for his school's production of Cabaret, which he got to keep as memorabilia. Jonathan was wearing a scarf that he used for a Halloween costume five years ago, the tail end of it draped over Tan's shoulder, who was wearing a glittery fedora from when Simon was a kid. He grinned incredulously to himself. It was just like any scene from an episode of Queer Eye where the Fab Five explore a hero's house or room.

"Sit here, Simon," Karamo gave up his spot on the bed and gestured for him to sit down. He then grabbed Simon's swivel desk chair and sat down on it.

"So. We looked around your room and the impression we got is that you are... a cool, interesting teenage boy, we saw photos from the school musical that you were in, you have a group of friends you care about, a family that you get along with, and you live in a cool town with lots of things to do, but we heard that you've been pretty down lately. Does this have something to do with you being outed at school?"

Simon sighed. "Yes and no. It's kind of a long story."

"Lay it on us. That's what we're here for," Antoni said.

"Okay. Well. There's this blog dedicated to gossip around our high school called Creekwood Secrets. People can anonymously submit posts they want other people to see. Someone anonymously posted that they were gay and in the closet, and... I almost sobbed in relief, knowing that it wasn't just me, and that maybe I had someone to talk to. So I emailed this person, who went with the pseudonym 'Blue', and we became... friends. Then this guy from school saw my emails on the school computer and took pictures of it, and he blackmailed me."

Abby cringed, knowing what was about to come next. Karamo noticed. "What's the matter?"

Simon gestured to her. "He blackmailed me into helping him get together with Abby, otherwise he would leak my emails to the whole school and out me. I did help him, but when he asked her out before a big football game in front of the entire school, he got rejected, and in an attempt to divert the attention away from him, he outed me using that blog. So... it was a whole clusterfuck, it did start a fight between me and my friends because I lied to them, but the worst part was that it scared Blue away. Like, I can eventually get over being outed, you know? It didn't make it any less homophobic, what that guy did, but I was going to come out sooner or later and it says more about the person who outed me and their character than who _I_ was. But... I couldn't get over losing Blue that easily. So after the school musical, I submitted a non-anonymous post telling Blue I would be waiting for him on the ferris wheel at the school carnival. I was already in love with him by then, and I hoped that he felt the same way about me, enough to finally let me know who he actually was. But he never showed."

The Fab Five groaned in unison.

"Poor baby," Jonathan muttered.

"Yeah. I was in that ferris wheel all night, until I ran out of money and the guy operating it finally had to ask me to leave. It was humiliating, because half of the junior class was there watching me get rejected, but it was also heartbreaking because... Blue never showed. He deleted his email account after our emails got leaked, and he also deleted himself from my life."

"So that's the reason why you've been down?"

"Yeah. I mean, this all happened around Christmas, so it's been a while, but when school started again, I just... went on auto-pilot. Distracted myself with school work and extracurriculars so I didn't have to think about it. I also reduced my social media presence because... everything about the Internet just reminded me of Blue. But, school doesn't last forever, so when summer finally rolled around, that's when I really got to immerse myself in misery, because there was nothing for me to actually focus on anymore."

"We heard you were a big fan of us. Is that true?" Antoni asked.

Simon blushed. "Yeah. It was actually Leah's idea to watch your show. We were all bored one night and your show had just come out. I remember loving your show but I didn't have time to _obsess_ over it because of school, but it's honestly the best thing I've ever watched. And you guys just make me feel less alone and you exude so much positivity that even for just a few hours every day I can forget all the bad things that's happened to me recently..."

Leah nodded. "He's like, obsessed with you guys. And who can blame him, you guys are amazing, but... he hasn't gone out of the house that much since school ended, and we're just kinda worried about him."

"Yeah, he's only been watching your interviews and promotional videos since school ended, aside from rewatching season one of Queer Eye," Abby added.

"Okay, no need to expose me, you guys."

They all laughed. "So. I don't mean to put you on the spot, but I'm going to put you on the spot--who's your favorite out of the five of us, Simon?" Jonathan asked pointedly.

Simon's jaw dropped, taken aback by that question. The room erupted into laughter. "Oh my God. No! There's no way I can pick a favorite!"

"Leave him alone, Jonathan. I'm obviously his favorite," Tan said teasingly.

"No, it's me!" Antoni yelled.

"Okay, okay, whoever his favorite is, it doesn't matter because we each have a job to do. I promise you, Simon--we're going to do our best so that you come out of this feeling better about yourself and _loving_ yourself. That's our mission," Karamo said.

With that, the Fab Five cheered, as well as Leah and Abby. They all hugged him and squeezed his shoulder and patted him on the back.

Simon knew that in the 17 years he had been alive, he was loved. 

But moments like these made him realize it didn't hurt to be reminded every once in a while.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tan takes Simon shopping.

"So, Simon," Tan France started, closing the car door behind him. "Where do you usually shop?"

"Uhh." Simon thought of that meme that was going around online a couple years ago as he got out of the truck. It was a photo of a storefront and its name, in lights, was simply 'The Store'. But obviously he couldn't say that to Tan France as he would look insane. 

Tan looked at him. "Well?"

Simon decided to tell the truth. "Up until recently, my mom did most of my clothes shopping for me. But lately it's been my friends, mostly Abby and Leah. I dunno, I'm not much of a fashion guy, so... I just buy wherever."

Tan had driven the two of them to the Creekwood Galleria, a mid-sized suburban outdoor mall twenty minutes from Simon's house. It was a blindingly sunny day and Simon cursed himself for not bringing his sunglasses. He envied Tan, who didn't have to squint or shield his eyes with his hand, his eyes adequately protected by a pair of Ray-Bans. Simon just wanted to get inside a shop as soon as possible.

When he woke up this morning, there were a few seconds after he opened his eyes where he thought the day before had been a dream. There was no way he had actually met the Fab Five and started filming _an episode of Queer Eye._ The idea was unfathomable. But he looked over at his bedside table, and the sheet of paper one of the production assistants had given him was sitting there, which meant yesterday had _not_ been a dream. It was a schedule of when they needed him for filming. Today's schedule had been filming with Tan from 10:00am to 1:00pm. He grinned, but inside he was also terrified. _A one-on-one with Tan France,_ he thought. _Holy shit._

"Does that explain the array of hoodies and T-shirts you have at home?" Tan asked teasingly.

"Ha. Yeah, I guess so. I never let my mom buy me anything other than T-shirts and hoodies."

He and Tan walked further along into the mall. Eventually, they neared the H&M and it was clear that's where Tan intended for them to go. Simon gulped. He knew H&M was one of the stores most frequented by his schoolmates. Say what you will about the Creekwood High kids, but they knew where to shop. 

"So you've heard of H&M, right?" Tan asked him, the two of them standing in front of it. Simon dreaded going inside. Even though it was still early in the day and there were barely any people inside, he wished the production company had rented out the store for a couple of hours while they shopped so there was no risk of him running into his classmates. While he doubted that they've watched Queer Eye and would recognize Tan, he didn't want to attract any attention to himself, and having cameras and a microphone follow him around was not the best way to do that.

"Yeah, of course I've heard of it."

"I personally like H&M because I think they're one of the most fashion-forward shops that aren't too intimidating and are still affordable to everyone. Before we go inside, I just want to ask you: what is it that you want from this shopping trip, Simon?"

"I just want better clothes that aren't going to make me stand out from the crowd too much. I want to dress better than I do now but still blend in," he said, looking down at his shoes.

Tan smiled at him endearingly. "Noted. Come on, let's go inside."

The two of them entered the doors, Simon welcoming the air-condition and the lack of blinding sunlight. There was barely anyone inside, just one sales clerk folding up clothes and a couple of women wandering around. They looked over at them because of the camera crew but eventually went back to their business. Simon inwardly sighed in relief.

Tan led him to the men's section, which was slightly smaller than the women's section but still just as well-stocked. The mannequins wore a variation of skinny jeans, a button-up shirt and tie underneath a bomber jacket, and aviators. They were inanimate objects, but they intimidated him.

"H&M has an extensive men's section, it's not just a store for ladies, but I think the whole gendering clothes thing is bullshit. Anyone should be able to shop anywhere without judgment," Tan announced proudly.

"Yeah, totally."

"So from what you said earlier, you want a better look that's not going to make you stand out, right?"

"Right."

Tan gestured to a rack of shirts behind him. "I love short-sleeved button-up shirts. I know you're a fan of the show so you probably already know this about me. But I love them, especially patterned ones. Shirts in light colors with subtle prints should look good enough without being too noticeable. Do you want to try these on for me?"

Simon approached the rack, examining the shirts. There was a whole lot of them, and he didn't know which ones to try. Eventually he grabbed a white one with tiny, navy blue diamonds all over it, and a dark gray one with tiny black anchors. "Are these good?" he asked, holding them up so Tan could see.

"Not bad, Simon," he said, nodding his head approvingly. "Now I know you like hoodies, but for a more _elevated_ look, there are other jackets out there, if you're so inclined to make jackets a permanent part of your everyday look." He led Simon to another part of the men's section. "You know Karamo loves his bomber jackets."

Simon grinned. "Yep. I heard he had at least 200? Is that right?"

Tan laughed. "Apparently it's true. I don't know how he keeps track of all of them."

Simon stared at the bombers. Some of them were sparkly and had sequins, which he would never wear. He saw the ones worn by the mannequins out front, but he thought they were still too flashy. Finally, he spotted a black one with white lining. "I like this one," he said, picking it up.

"I like that one too! Let's pick out a couple more." Tan picked up a maroon one and another one in a deep forest green. Simon liked both of them.

They entered the dressing room and Simon picked out the anchor shirt and the green bomber jacket. He tried them on and drew back the curtain.

"It's not flashy, right?"

"Not at all! The style and the coordination is there but it doesn't scream, 'LOOK AT ME!' The color combination is perfect. You're a natural at this."

"Oh, well, thanks!"

"See? You're capable of picking out outfits more complex than just shirts and hoodies. Now try these jeans on for me."

A couple of minutes later and Simon stepped out of the booth, dressed in the clothes both he and Tan had picked out. "What do you think?" he asked.

Tan looked at him, not at his clothes but at his face. Simon started to blush. "What is it?"

"You know, Simon. I've been thinking about it, and... is it safe to say that you care too much about what other people think? And this is not a judgment on you, I'm just trying to fully understand so I can really help you. Your fascination with blending in and not standing out, and the fact that you asked me what _I_ think of your outfit when I should be the one asking _you_ that..."

"I'm sorry, Tan, I-"

"No! No, Simon, don't apologize. As I said, I'm not judging you. But you have to know that pulling off an outfit is like, 80 percent confidence. It's your choice if you want to dress a little more subtle, but what does 'blending in' even mean? No one's supposed to blend in--each one of us is an individual, different from one another."

"It's just... the truth is, I don't want to attract any more attention to myself. What happened to me five months ago, I still carry that around, it still hurts. I just don't want people to notice me and remember what happened and feel sorry for me."

"Well, Simon! The best way to do that is to show people that you've moved on. Even if you haven't, you have to fake it till you make it. If you act confident and like you've already put it behind you, then people are going to think the same."

Simon mulled this over. "You really think so?"

Tan nodded. "Absolutely. And I'm not saying you should completely forget about it--you have every right to be heartbroken--but you shouldn't let it drag you down. You should stop obsessing over what other people think of you. And now I have to do my job--what do _you_ think of your outfit, Simon? How does it make you feel?" he asked earnestly, a gentle smile on his lips.

Simon stared at himself in the mirror. After a while, he said, "Terrific." Tan put his hand on Simon's shoulder, the two of them staring back at themselves in the mirror. Then Simon said, "But I think I need better shoes," which made Tan laugh.

After what felt like an hour and a half of him trying on different outfits in the fitting room with Tan just waiting outside the booth and giving him advice, who had also picked up more pairs of jeans and shoes for Simon to try on, he and Tan felt like he had already tried on enough and their shopping trip was coming to an end. He had just changed back into his normal clothes, the jeans hanging on to the crook of his arm as he drew back the curtain of the booth. "Okay, Tan, let's g-" He stopped short.

Standing in front of him was Cal Price.

"Oh. Hey, Cal."

Cal was one of Simon's classmates that worked on Creekwood High's production of _Cabaret._ But instead of being one of the actors, he was the pianist.

He was also one of the guys Simon thought could be Blue. 

For a while, Simon thought he was sure. Blue mentioned in one of his emails that he was going to his dad's cabin in the middle of nowhere over the holidays, which Cal had also mentioned verbally backstage during one of their breaks from rehearsing. After he got outed by Martin, with no one to turn to as he and his friends were on the outs at the time, he finally approached Cal in the hallway and asked him if he was Blue. Cal was a little confused, but since the entire school had seen Martin's post with the screenshots of Simon and Blue's emails to each other, he knew who Simon was talking about.

Just as Simon had feared, Cal denied it. And Simon believed him. What possible reason could Cal have to lie?

He crossed off Cal from his list of potential Blues. But that tiny little spark of hope in his heart remained. If not Cal, then someone else. Blue had existed. Blue was not a cruel prank. He had to be someone.

And seeing Cal, right there in front of him in an H&M dressing room in the middle of filming an episode of an international makeover show, brought back all of the humiliation and the heartbreak he had experienced for the past several months.

Cal stared right back at him, not smiling but his eyes looking bright, as if he was glad to see Simon but didn't want to show it. "Hey, Simon. How's it going?" He was clutching a couple of shirts in his hands.

"Alright, Simon, you ready?" Tan called out as he entered the dressing room, followed by the camera crew. It turned out he had been outside the whole time returning unwanted clothes to the racks he got them from. Simon thought he had been waiting just outside the booth the entire time; instead he was met with Cal. Tan looked at them, sensing that he had interrupted something. "Oh. Who do we have here?" he asked.

"Uh, Tan, this is my friend from school, Cal. Cal, this is Tan. Tan France."

Cal then spotted the camera crew behind Tan. Then it clicked. "Wait. You're Tan France. _The_ Tan France. From Queer Eye." Tan nodded. Cal looked at Simon. "Oh my God. Are you... filming? Like, right now?"

"Yes, I'm sorry you had to be part of this; we didn't have time to rent out the store beforehand but don't worry, this part will be cut and you won't be shown in the episode," Tan said.

"Oh, uh, that's okay, whatever's cool," Cal said, clearly flustered at having been spoken to by an actual celebrity. Then he turned to Simon. "Wow. So much has changed since we last saw each other, Simon." He chuckled. Tan, realizing Simon and Cal were about to have an actual conversation, shooed away the camera crew and excused himself. "We'll be right outside, Simon," he said hurriedly as he walked away.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. I... took a break from social media after the-" Simon didn't want to mention the carnival/ferris wheel incident, it still hurt too much. "-the musical. Focused on schoolwork. Junior year, you know how it is."

"Totally. But that explains a lot, I tried to reach out after the musical to ask if you were okay, and I couldn't find your Facebook suddenly. And I didn't have your number."

"Yeah. Again, sorry about that."

"No, it's okay. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Martin's a dick. He should not have done that to you. And... I'm sorry about-"

"Please. Let's not talk about it." Simon held his hands up, as if it could actually stop Cal from speaking. He knew he was about to mention what happened at the carnival. "I'm not trying to shut you out, I'm just- trying to flush it out of my mind."

"Oh, okay. I completely understand," Cal said kindly. "Well, if you decide to go back on social media, you know where to find me. In case you need to talk, or anything else, really."

Simon could feel his heart start to beat faster. Cal's kindness reminded him of Blue, of the things he had said to him through their emails. He knew he should move on and try to forget about it, especially because Cal had already denied being Blue, but that spark of hope in him had ignited again. _What if I asked him one more time if he was Blue? Maybe this time he'd admit it?_

But Simon came to his senses. Why would Cal suddenly admit to being Blue if he asked him a second time?

"So what brings you to H&M, Cal?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, I'm just shopping for my cousin's wedding next week. None of my 'wedding attire' fit me anymore, unfortunately."

Simon smiled politely. "Oh."

"But hey. You're on Queer Eye? Holy shit, dude." Cal smacked his arm in congratulations. "That's so awesome. Who nominated you?"

"Leah and Abby."

Cal grinned. "Figures. I can't believe I just met Tan France, he's my favorite out of all of them."

"So you watch Queer Eye?" Simon asked, realizing as soon as he said it that it was a stupid question.

"Yeah, I love that show so much. Do you know when the next season's out, since you're in it and all?"

"Actually, no, I don't," Simon replied. "Well, I gotta get going. It was nice to see you, Cal."

"You too, Simon. Have fun with filming," Cal said, stepping into the booth.

He met up with Tan and the camera crew just in front of the men's section. Tan spotted him. "Ahh, you're back. All caught up with your friend?"

"Yup."

"Okay, so these are all the clothes that we've picked out and you've tried on," Tan said, gesturing to a pile of clothes a production assistant was carrying in his hands. "You don't want to make any last-minute changes?"

"No, I love all of them. I don't think I can ask for anything better."

"Did you enjoy this shopping trip, Simon? I wasn't too much of a drag, was I?" Tan teased.

"I loved this so much, Tan. I know it was just picking out clothes basically, but... it felt so much more than that. I don't know how to articulate it but I truly needed this. Thank you," Simon said, putting his hand on his chest.

"I'm so happy to hear that, Simon. You're welcome."

After a couple of minutes, the production assistant came back from the cash register, the clothes now in paper bags he handed to Tan and Simon.

"Shall we go, my dear?" Tan asked.

Simon faced Tan, once again wondering if this was all just a dream.

"Let's go, Tan," he said, a hint of triumph in his voice, as the two of them walked out of the store, followed by cameras.

 

\---

 

"Oh my God, so how was it? Your first field trip as a Queer Eye hero!" Leah asked, flopping down into her bed. She and Simon were in their pajamas, sipping on iced teas with Lorde playing softly in the background.

Simon was staying over at Leah's for the rest of the week, or at least until Bobby and his design crew were done making over his bedroom. He and his crew got there after Simon had left to go on the shopping trip with Tan.

"It was amazing, Leah. We went to H&M-"

"Holy shit, did you run into anyone from school there? They didn't give you a hard time, did they?"

"Actually there weren't a lot of people there since it was barely 10:30 in the morning. Apparently the production people didn't have time to rent out the whole store so I _was_ kinda worried... But yeah, I did run into one person. Like, near the end of our shopping trip."

"Who?"

"Cal Price."

"Oh. Well, how'd it go with Cal?"

"It was okay, he asked me how I was. He was shopping for his cousin's wedding. And he loves Queer Eye too. He got to meet Tan."

Leah laughed. "So it wasn't awkward?"

"No, it was _definitely_ awkward, but Tan was cool about the whole thing. Actually..." Simon swallowed. He contemplated talking to Leah about Cal, about how he thought he could be Blue, and how he had denied it. But for some reason he couldn't bring himself to. He shook the thought out of his head. Not yet. "God, Leah, I was so scared at first. I didn't know how to act, I didn't know what I was gonna get into-"

"What do you mean? You've seen guys on the show get made over by Tan before."

"Yeah, but it's different when you're experiencing it for yourself. I just didn't want to mess things up, but it went way smoother than I expected. I was scared of disappointing Tan when he asked me to pick out clothes I wanted to try on."

"So what'd he say?"

"Well, you know how I told him that I wanted to dress better but still blend in? When I picked out the clothes, he told me I was a natural. That I already _knew_ what was gonna look good on me but that I was just too scared to dress better. And he's right. It's like he could read my mind. He's amazing, Leah. And I know it was basically just a shopping trip, but I think today changed my life."

Leah laughed again, but good-naturedly. "I have no doubt it did."

Simon took a sip of his iced tea, licking the moisture off his upper lip. "So where's Abby? I know I have to stay here for a few days, but she didn't want to join our sleepover just for tonight?"

Leah rolled her eyes. "Oh, she's on a Skype call with Nick. Apparently they let them have access to the Internet like once a week at soccer camp. Said she didn't want to be a bore and ruin our sleepover."

Simon sensed that there was something deeper going on with the way Leah answered his question, as if she had some sort of emotional investment in what Abby was doing tonight. But he said nothing. "Hm. Okay."

"So what's on your schedule tomorrow?"

"A visit to the salon with Jonathan. Now I'm nervous again."

Leah clapped her hands giddily. "Ahhh, I'm so excited for you! Jonathan's my favorite, I wish I could be there."

Simon grinned. "Don't worry, I'll tell him you said that. He's gonna be thrilled."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan gives Simon a haircut.

The next morning, Simon had actually woken up early and was in the right headspace to eat breakfast. He was almost done eating when Jonathan waltzed into Leah's kitchen, dressed in shorts and Timberlands, twirling like a gymnast, and picked a strawberry off his plate. "Simon! You ready for today?" Jonathan asked, chewing.

"Uh, yeah, I'm ready. Are we leaving now?" Simon asked, about to stand up.

"Nonono, take your time, honey. I just got bored in our trailer so I wanted to see what you were doing. We can leave in a few minutes."

That gave Simon whiplash. The way Jonathan was so energetic, especially in the morning, really made him think filming was about to start. "Oh, okay." Before Simon could offer him food, Jonathan had already popped in two slices of bread on the toaster.

They were now walking up to a hipster-looking barber shop Simon had never been to before. It looked pretty intimidating: exposed brick, chrome, black leather, big muscly barbers with tattoos sporting their beards like a badge of honour. 

Simon gulped. He didn't realize he had stopped walking when Jonathan yelled, "Well? Come on in, Simon! What are you waiting for?" He was holding the door open, staring at him in confusion.

"Sorry! I'm coming."

They stepped inside, the camera crew behind them, and the air-conditioning hit Simon right in the face. He shivered. The barbers glanced at them wordlessly, then turned back to their customers, knowing that the owner had given the Queer Eye production crew the okay to use their shop and film there.

"Sit down, cutie pie. Have you ever been to this place before?" Jonathan asked, leading Simon to an empty chair.

Simon sat down, the chair squeaking as he did so. "No, I haven't. My mom usually cuts my hair. If not, I just go to Supercuts."

Jonathan grimaced. "Yikes. Not to toot my own horn because I'm an independent salon owner but chain salons don't always give their customers the best look for them. Like, I would trust your mom to give you a good haircut before I trust corporations, you know what I mean? But hey, if they haven't given you a bad haircut yet then lucky you!" he said, putting a black cape around Simon.

Simon laughed. "Uh, sure."

"So. I know you said you only want me to clean it up a little 'cause it's getting a bit long at the back, and I want this to be a collaborative situation all the way so I'm definitely not going to bulldoze you on what you wanna look like... _but,_ there's this particular hairstyle that I really think is going to suit you. Don't worry, it's nothing crazy."

Simon exhaled. He thought back to the previous day with Tan, when Tan told him to stop caring so much about what other people think and just believe in himself, to go with his gut and go through life with confidence. Now his gut was telling him to trust Jonathan and give him reign on his hair. After all, he knew how to pick clothes for himself but he didn't know how to cut his own hair, so there was all the more reason to trust Jonathan.

Simon sat back and gripped the armrests. He was easing into it now, being a Queer Eye hero. The Fab Five were here to help him; they wouldn't do anything he wouldn't like or anything that would be bad for him. "You know what, Jonathan? I trust you. Whatever that hairstyle is, if you think it's gonna look good on me, I'm in." He grinned at Jonathan in the mirror.

Jonathan was impressed. "Look at you with that newfound confidence! I love it!"

He sprayed Simon's hair with water to wet it. He then picked up a comb and a pair of scissors, and started cutting.

"Other than that whole...fiasco earlier this year, how's your high school experience been like?" Jonathan asked. Simon felt touched that he knew not to refer to the whole carnival, sitting-in-a-ferris-wheel-alone thing to spare his feelings.

But even though Simon knew at some point that the conversation would turn deep, as is usually the case with Queer Eye, he was still caught off guard. God, where should he start? "You know what, it's actually been good. I've had my two best friends with me, Leah and Nick, since we were toddlers so I was good on the friend department, then I made another friend last year with Abby. My grades are good enough, I've got extracurriculars covered with the school musicals... I'm just glad junior year is over."

"That's good," Jonathan said, a little distractedly. He blew off little hairs on the back of Simon's neck. 

"How was _your_ high school experience, Jonathan?" Simon asked. If he was going to be stuck in this chair immobilized, he might as well get the most out of it. He was talking to _Jonathan Van Ness,_ for God's sake.

"Well. You know, it was Quincy, Illinois. I doubt you've heard of it but then I remember you're a fan so you probably already knew where I'm from, right?"

"Right."

"And it was the early 2000's, people weren't as 'woke' back then. You'd be surprised, people in Quincy have generally changed with the whole 'God hates gays' thing. Of course, there's always gonna be homophobes wherever you go, but at least now it isn't as normalized there. But my high school experience was, for lack of a better term, _shitty?_ "

Simon knew he was supposed to laugh, or at least acknowledge that Jonathan was trying to be funny. But he grew sober.

"And it didn't even start in high school, this was going on since before elementary school. It's a small town, so people at my high school already knew who I was, that _gay kid._ But even though I was bullied horrendously for it--like I would literally come home with spit in my hair and grime on my clothes from the other kids--I just... did not let it get me down. Like I wasn't going to _stop_ being gay, you know? Like I'm gonna be me as long as I'm alive whether anyone likes it or not."

Suddenly, they both heard a burst of laughter from somewhere in the shop. Two barbers were sharing a joke and laughing hysterically.

"Ugh, this place is so heterosexual, I may need to leave soon," Jonathan muttered, spraying a different part of Simon's head with more water.

Simon giggled. "But... how did you know how to act around other kids? It's like, since I was outed, people are looking at me different, not just because they now know that I'm gay, but it's like... they expect me to act a certain kind of way now. Like they're waiting for something to happen, for something to change with me. I don't get it."

"The thing with people, Simon, and by 'people' I mean straight people, is that they don't really see us gays as the complex, three-dimensional people that we are. Like they think that just because we're gay it means we have to act like a certain stereotype now. And this is coming from the most stereotypical gay ever. I'm effeminate, I wear heels, I have long hair, I wear dresses, I love figure skating and gymnastics, I cut people's hair, like that's _the gayest shit ever,_ right? But it's different with me because I've been this way since before I even _knew_ what being gay was, let alone before I officially came out, so I didn't really go through that thing you're telling me, about how people are expecting you to act a certain way now that you're out."

"Damn. I would think you had it easy because you didn't go through what I'm going through, but I remember I was never bullied as badly as you were-"

"And that's the thing, Simon! Gay people come in all shapes and sizes and personalities and hobbies and hairstyles, so why would you think all of us would have the same experiences with being gay as kids? People knew who I was and I got terrorized for it, you've had it smooth-sailing for the most part but people are trying to pigeonhole you into this box to try to figure out who you are. Our experiences are as diverse as us, and whether we're masculine or feminine or both or neither, all of our experiences with our identity are valid. My point being, there's no one right way to be gay. All you need to do is be yourself. You don't need to change a thing about you if you know it's not right for you. _You_ tell people who you are, not the other way around."

Jonathan turned his chair around so they're facing each other. "Except for this hair, of course." Then he turned the chair back around so Simon was facing the mirror again. With a few more snips here and there, Jonathan was done with the cutting. He brushed off hair that had fallen on Simon's cape and on to the floor. Then he grabbed a hairdryer and used it on Simon's hair as he brushed it. Simon closed his eyes as the hot air from the hairdryer blew into his face. He thought about what Jonathan said. _I tell people who I am, not the other way around._

The hairdryer clicked off, and Jonathan put it down on the cart next to him. He removed the cape. "Ta-da! Do you like it?"

Simon stared at his reflection in the mirror. It was nothing too crazy, like Jonathan said, but this hairstyle looked familiar.

_Holy shit._

"Oh my God," Simon gasped. "Is- is this Antoni's cut? Did you just give me Antoni's hairstyle?"

Jonathan put his hand over his mouth. "Oh no, do you hate it? I was so sure you'd like it-"

"No, Jonathan, this is fantastic!" Simon exclaimed, finger-combing his hair. "I didn't even know I wanted this haircut until I saw it on myself."

Jonathan's eyes lit up. "Ugh, it looks so good on you! You have similar bone structures and I thought it would suit you and turns out I was right!"

"But...how would Antoni feel about me having the same hair as him?"

"Pshh, don't worry about him! He's a total narcissist, he's flattered when people imitate him. He takes it as a compliment."

Simon sighed in relief. "Thank God. I really didn't wanna make an enemy out of a Fab Five member."

Jonathan burst into laughter, garnering some stares from the shop's barbers and other customers. "Simon, you are _too_ funny!"

"Oh, by the way. I almost forgot. I was sleeping over at my friend Leah's last night and she told me you're her favorite out of the Fab Five. I promised her I'd let you know. She said she wished she could be here but she had to run errands with her parents anyway."

Jonathan gasped. "Awwww! Thank her for me! Is she that fashionista gal with the chokers?"

"The very same."

 

\---

 

After filming for that day was done, Simon, Leah, and Abby all met up for lunch. They were sitting at a table outside the restaurant, under the shade of a large umbrella.

Leah was the last to sit down, plopping her tray of a ham and cheese sandwich and lemonade and sitting down next to Simon. "I still can't get over your haircut, Simon. Now you even look _more_ like Antoni. All you need is a graphic shirt of the characters' names from _A Little Life_ and you'll be all set for Halloween."

"Oh my God, Leah, you can't say that around the Fab Five, though. Jonathan told me Antoni would find it flattering but I still don't wanna risk making them think I'm being creepy by trying to look like him," Simon said, taking a sip of his strawberry lemonade.

"Why? The haircut was Jonathan's idea," Abby said, her mouth full of fries.

"Still. I told him I liked it, didn't I?"

Leah rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Oh, by the way, Jonathan says thank you."

"For what?"

"I told him he's your favorite! He says thanks."

Leah grabbed Simon's arm in shock. "Shut up! No, you didn't!" Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

Simon nodded, grinning. "I did. Am I the best friend ever or what?"

"Oh my freaking God, Simon," Leah gasped breathlessly.

Now it was Simon's turn to roll his eyes. "Calm yourself, woman."

"Hey, Bram!" Abby called out suddenly from across Simon. He turned around to see Bram Greenfeld about to walk into the cafe and stopping short upon hearing Abby and seeing the three of them sitting outside.

"Hey guys," he said, walking over to them. He glanced at Simon and smiled politely. "Hi, Simon," he said, raising his hand in a wave.

Simon cringed inwardly. He knew Bram gave him his own greeting because he felt sorry for him after the whole carnival thing. God, why did he have the awful idea of posting that message for Blue on Creekwood Secrets asking to meet up? Of course his nosy ass classmates would make a spectacle out of him waiting for someone on a damn ferris wheel. But it wasn't just the carnival thing.

Bram was also one of Simon's candidates for Blue's real identity. At the Halloween party Bram threw at his aunt's house last year, Simon was almost sure of it. Okay, maybe not sure. But he had a great time playing drinking games and drunkenly singing karaoke with Bram that he felt a spark between them. That is, until he accidentally walked in on Bram making out with a girl dressed as a Minion from _Despicable Me._

After that incident, he had crossed Bram off, not just on his potential Blues list but from anyone he stands a chance with. Bram was making out with a girl. He could still be bi or pan, but knowing his luck, Bram was most probably straight.

"You wanna eat with us?" Abby asked.

"Actually, I can't, I'm just here to pick up lunch for my aunt. I can't stay long. Maybe I can meet up with you guys some other day soon?" Bram said apologetically.

"Yeah, for sure, man," Leah said. Bram nodded and headed towards the cafe door.

As soon as he was out of sight, Simon groaned.

"What's wrong?" Abby asked.

"Oh, uh-" Damn. He didn't think they would actually hear it. He sighed. "I don't think I've ever talked to you guys about this before, but... when I was still emailing with Blue, I actually had a list of guys I thought could be him. And none of them panned out."

"And Bram was one of them?"

"Yeah. But I caught him making out with a girl at his Halloween party so it can't be him."

"Damn. Well, I haven't heard of him dating anyone so he and that girl probably aren't a thing."

"Either way, he can't be Blue. Blue said he was gay. Bram made out with a girl, therefore he's not gay and not Blue."

"Who else was on your list?"

"Cal Price and Lyle who works at the Waffle House."

"And you know it's not either of them?"

"I asked Cal outright and he said no, but why would he lie about that? And Lyle was actually into _you,_ Abby."

Abby's lip curled. "He was?"

"Yeah. At the homecoming game before Martin asked you out and humiliated himself, he asked me if you and I were a thing while you were getting a coffee."

"Oh. Well, again, I'm sorry about Blue, Simon," Abby said. She reached across the table and put her hand over his.

"Thanks. It's okay. I'm trying to forget about it and sometimes I think I'm finally doing it, but then I run into these guys whom I thought were Blue and the entire thing just floods through my mind again."

Leah bit her lip, unsure of how to make her best friend better. "So when's Nora coming home, Simon?" she asked, changing the subject.

Simon actually looked relieved. "Tonight, actually. I've been texting her but I don't think she's able to receive my messages at camp because she still hasn't replied. I'm trying to tell her there's gonna be people renovating my bedroom and a camera crew filming Bobby and that she shouldn't be alarmed when she goes upstairs."

"And you're cooking with her and Antoni tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, if she's cool with it. But I think she's gonna be."

The three of them ate and talked more, just three normal friends enjoying their summer. Simon almost couldn't believe that just a week earlier, he was holed up in his bedroom with his eyes glued to his laptop screen, ignoring his friends pleas for him to go outside and spend time with them.

He was going to do it. He was going to move on, even without the closure and answers from Blue that he desperately craved.

As he watched Bram push open the door of the cafe carrying two bags of food, one in each hand, Leah and Abby not even seeing him, and step out onto the street, he knew it still wasn't going to be easy.

Bram glanced over his shoulder at him as he walked away. Smiled.

Simon smiled back.

But goddammit, he was going to, however long it took.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antoni gets in the kitchen with Simon and his sister Nora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The things I wrote about Antoni and his mother and sisters are not based on facts. I had to take some creative liberties. I have no idea what actually happened between him, his mom, and his sisters because he's very private about his personal life. Again, they are NOT based on facts. Thank you.

That night, Simon was at his own house, waiting for the bus that would drop his sister off from camp. He had already set the table while his parents were still in the kitchen cooking dinner. He was watching TV--or trying to, at least, since he could still hear the whirrs of drills and the banging of hammers upstairs in his room, where Bobby Berk and his crew were renovating.

Eventually, he grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. He wasn't disgruntled by the noise, there just wasn't anything good to watch. Finally, he heard the door open. "I'm home!" his little sister called out.

He and his parents quickly rushed over to greet her. "Hey, Nora," Simon said, giving her a hug.

"How was camp?" Mr Spier asked.

"It was a lot of fun! But, uhh... what are those trucks doing out in our street?" Nora asked, her thumb pointing behind her. "And what's all that noise?" She glanced up towards the ceiling.

Simon carried Nora's duffel bag into the living room while their parents went back to the kitchen. "Dinner's in a few minutes, guys. Tell us about camp during dinner," Mrs Spier said as Simon and Nora sat down on the couch. "I tried telling you this but some of my messages didn't go through, I think," he began. "So while you were away at camp, Abby and Leah nominated me for Queer Eye-"

"No effing way!" Nora exclaimed. "Where are the cameras?" she asked, looking around wildly.

Simon grinned. "Well, they're not filming _right now._ Also, Bobby Berk and his crew are upstairs in my room renovating it, and that's what those noises are and what those trucks outside are for. I'm sleeping over at Leah's until it's finished."

Nora took all of this in. "Wow, Simon. I can't believe this. You on Queer Eye?"

"Yeah, and you're gonna be in it too," Simon said slowly.

"Wait, what?"

"Here's the thing. I've already filmed with Tan and Jonathan but I'm going to be filming with Antoni tomorrow where he teaches me how to cook or prepare something. When I first met him, I told him I have a sister who also loves to cook, and he wants you to be there. I told him you _might_ be okay with it because you're nice, but I didn't tell him it was a sure thing. No one's gonna make you do it if you don't want to."

Nora stared at Simon in disbelief. "Are you kidding?! I would give my right arm to cook with Antoni freaking Porowski! Do you know how many of my friends are in love with him? Oh my God, Simon."

Simon grinned. "So you'll do it?"

"Yes! Obviously!"

They high-fived.

"Kids! Dinner!"

Nora told them all about camp while they ate. She almost choked on her lasagna when Bobby Berk, trailed by his crew, emerged from the stairs and bid them good night.

 

\---

 

The next morning, Simon walked into his house from spending another night at Leah's and saw his 13-year-old sister and Antoni Porowski chatting at the kitchen counter like old friends.

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" greeted Antoni. Then he did a double-take. "Wait a minute. You were with Jonathan yesterday, right? Did he cut your hair so it looks like mine?" he asked, combing his hands through his hair.

Simon gulped. "Yeah, uh, is that okay? I swear it was Jonathan's idea, I-"

Antoni giggled. "Dude, I'm kidding. Jonny already told me last night. He showed me the pictures on his phone."

Simon sighed in relief. Then he chuckled. "You really are an actor." Antoni grinned.

"Antoni, this is my sister Nora. Nora, this is Antoni Porowski from Queer Eye. But I'm guessing you knew that already," Simon joked sarcastically.

"Yeah, we've met," Nora replied, going along with it.

"So we have a few minutes before filming starts and I'd just like to get to know you guys a little bit. Simon, you've already told me that you don't cook at all, but what about you, Nora? Simon tells me you're obsessed with cooking. How did that happen?" Antoni asked.

"Gosh, I dunno. I guess it's because, aside from cartoons, I also watched a lot of shows on the Food Network as a little kid? Like I saw Rachael Ray making creme brulee or whatever and I thought, yeah, I'm gonna do that too. I became obsessed with cooking and baking ever since, but it doesn't mean I'm any good at it. I still have _a lot_ to learn."

"All chefs start from somewhere, Nora! You have to be bad at something before you can be good at it. I never even went to culinary school and studied cooking formally; I'm completely self-taught. I only had the luck and privilege to be Ted Allen's friend and personal chef so I did learn from him but before that, I was born into a family whose heritage might as well revolve around cooking entirely," Antoni said.

"She's actually not bad. Aside from that super-spicy stew she made us try once and a couple of duds here and there, you can say her cooking's as good as our mom's," Simon added encouragingly.

Nora rolled her eyes good-naturedly but grinned. "Thanks, Simon."

Antoni looked at the camera crew and they gave him the signal that they were about to start filming. He clapped once to get Simon and Nora's attention. "Okay, gang. They're telling me we're about to start." He gestured to the large tote bag on the kitchen counter that he had brought earlier. "So this contains the ingredients we're gonna be using today." He dipped his hands inside and began unpacking it, putting various packages on the Spiers' kitchen counter: a bunch of red apples, a package of all-purpose flour, rolled oats, cinnamon, a jar of honey, and a carton of eggs.

Simon raised his eyebrows. "Wow. What are we making?"

Nora grinned conspiratorially at Antoni. "Is it apple oatmeal cookies?"

Antoni's eyes widened, a huge smile forming on his face. He pointed at Nora. "Exactamundo! Have you ever made them before?"

"No, but I've been meaning to. I'm excited."

"The reason why I picked these is because I saw AAAALLL OF THOSE OREOS in your pantry, and I wanted to give you a healthier option."

"Oh yeah, Simon's addicted to them. Oreos are fine to me, I have them once in a while, but he is _addicted_ to them," Nora said.

"To be fair, they _are_ vegan. That's gotta count for something, right?" Simon protested.

"Yes, but all that sugar, Simon. See how I brought all-natural honey instead of sugar? And also, these cookies are super simple to make and it gives you variety. I mean, you have to be sick of Oreos by now, right?"

"Not really, no."

Antoni laughed. "Well, okay. Shall we get started?"

He rummaged around their kitchen cabinets and took out a mixing bowl, an electric mixer, and other equipments and tools they would need to make the batter. He showed Simon how to dice up the apples and showed Nora how to properly mix oatmeal batter. After the cookies were formed into balls on the tray and they went into the oven, he said, "I picked apple oatmeal because aside from the fruit component--and let's face it, raisins in cookies get a bad rap so we should probably use a different one--I didn't want to just do an ordinary flour cookie recipe; oatmeal makes it a little different from the rest, I guess. It's super simple to make, even people who are new to baking won't be able to screw it up _that_ bad, and it's versatile and healthy! You can make a big batch of these and have them for breakfast even."

Simon grinned to himself. When he watched all of those YouTube interviews with the Fab Five on their press tours, he recalled them, but specifically Jonathan, mentioning how passionate Antoni could get when talking about food. He felt so giddy that he got to experience that passion in person, and not just from a secondhand account. Nobody but Antoni could make something as pedestrian-sounding as apple oatmeal cookies seem exciting.

He had to stop himself from swooning. God, Antoni was gorgeous. _He has a long-term boyfriend, Simon,_ he reminded himself. _Joey, remember? They've been together for seven years?_

"If you don't mind me asking, why'd you invite me to be on the show, Antoni?" Nora asked. She didn't sound like she was being rude, Simon noticed, but coming from a place of genuine curiosity.

Antoni wasn't taken aback by her question, almost as if he was expecting it at some point during filming. "Well, on the surface I thought it would be fun to get a hero's family member that actually knows a thing or two about cooking, who's _not_ their wife or mother. I mean, sibling relationships are also important, right?" But then he grew quiet for a moment. "But also... when I heard that Simon has a sister who loves to cook, I _immediately_ thought of my own sisters. They're both older than me and we used to watch our grandma cook all the time. We eventually grew up loving cooking and cooking together, but as we got older, we all just... drifted apart. It didn't help that our parents got divorced and that I basically don't talk to my own mother anymore, it was a whole thing that I'm not gonna get into today. So long story short, when I heard that you exist, Nora, I missed my own sisters and inviting you to bake these cookies with us was a way for me to feel closer to them." Antoni smiled sadly.

Simon didn't know what to say. He looked back and forth between Nora and Antoni.

"Well then, I'm glad to be here, Antoni," Nora said. All three of them smiled at each other.

Suddenly, the oven timer dinged. "Whoo! Time to get these babies out of the oven!" Antoni yelled. He turned the oven off and slipped on some oven mitts. He retrieved the tray and set it down on the kitchen counter, steam rising up to their faces.

Simon couldn't believe what he saw on the tray before him. The cookies were _beautiful._ Man, he knew Antoni could cook, but the cookies almost looked storebought. He was in awe.

"These look amazing, Antoni," he gushed.

"Hey, you guys did it yourselves, I just showed you how. Now they're very hot, so we have to let them cool before we can eat them. But aren't they gorgeous?"

Once the cookies were cool enough to eat, they dug in. Simon closed his eyes in pleasure while munching on one. Apples and oatmeal were just ordinary food to him, but who knew they could taste fucking amazing in cookie form? Antoni chuckled at him, seeing his face.

They put the cookies on a platter and Nora volunteered to clean up the kitchen. Simon offered to help, but she insisted. "Simon, go be a Queer Eye hero. Just save me some cookies, I'll be fine here," she said, shooing him away.

He and Antoni went to the dining area and sat across from each other, setting the platter of cookies between them. There were a few seconds of silence. "I'm sorry about your sisters," Simon finally said, after swallowing a bite of cookie.

"I know you've done your research about us, Simon. What did you know about them?" Antoni asked.

"Nothing, really. I did know there were two of them and they were both older than you, but I didn't know you guys drifted apart."

Antoni sighed. "Yeah. I guess... I dunno, I think being gay also had something to do with that."

"Really?"

"I mean, they eventually accepted me for who I am. But they weren't cool with it at first. It didn't help that my mom was heartbroken when she found out I was gay, which is the reason why we don't talk at all anymore. I think our mom's reaction sort of influenced how _they_ reacted, which was probably why we drifted apart. But they eventually came to their senses and now we have a good relationship again."

"Wow."

"I don't mean to sound preachy, Simon. But you're in a position where you're lucky that your family is loving and accepting of who you are. I really hope you don't ever take that for granted. Because when the world is being mean to you--and trust me, it will--sometimes your family's all you've got. Being gay isn't easy. I mean, of course we're both two white guys who come from a background of privilege so we have to take that into consideration, but gay people, people in the LGBTQ community, are in this weird position where most of the world hates us, and a lot of the time that includes our own family. And you're so lucky that your family so happens to be accepting of you."

Antoni glanced towards the kitchen where Nora was scrubbing the equipment they used. "How did Nora react when she found out you were gay?"

"Well, as I said, I got outed on that blog. She found out when she read that post and she was almost in tears when she came into my room to tell me she had seen it. I felt so bad because I yelled at her and she started crying. But then I realized she was the first ever person to be on my side when the whole world found out I was gay."

Antoni grinned endearingly. "I think she's wonderful."

"Yeah, she is."

"Simon, I say this with the utmost sincerity: Nora worships you. You should've heard her talk about you before you got here. I know you guys are eventually gonna grow up and have your own lives and whatnot, but _please_ make time for her. You have no idea how much it means to her when you spend time with her. Friends and lovers are important, but people always forget about siblings. Don't be like me and my sisters. Don't wait until you drift apart before you get close," Antoni said earnestly, before taking a bite of apple oatmeal.

Simon grabbed a nearby napkin and wiped crumbs off his mouth. Then he cleared his throat. "Thank you, Antoni."

Antoni looked up. "You guys did most of it, I--"

"Not about the cookies, although they're amazing. But for opening my eyes and making me see what's right in front of me."

\----

 

That night at Leah's, Simon was already snug in his sleeping bag on the floor of her bedroom, scrolling through his phone while she was still in the bathroom brushing her teeth. As he liked a gif of a cat on Tumblr, his phone dinged with a text.

It was a group text from Bram.

_Hey guys, my aunt's gonna be out of town this weekend so naturally, Garrett's making me throw a pool party. She's not leaving until the afternoon though so this is gonna be a night-time pool party. Be at my house on Friday, at around 5pm. Bring your swimsuits!_

_Bram_

Just then, Leah came into the room. "Hey, Leah, Bram sent us a text. Check your phone."

Leah picked up her phone and read the message. "Wow. Are you going to this?" 

"Man, I dunno. I mean, all these Queer Eye shoots, I dunno if I'm gonna have the time--"

"But you finish on Friday though, right? When Bobby does his big reveal? It's not until 5pm, you'll have time."

Simon had to admit, she got him on that one. After saying good night to each other, he turned his phone off and closed his eyes. Within minutes, he fell asleep.

He dreamed about swimming pools, about some random person pushing him in, but instead of falling into water, human hands were there to catch him.

He woke up the next morning, smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karamo and Simon have a heart-to-heart.

Simon doesn't start filming his day with Karamo until the afternoon, so he had a few hours to kill before he started filming, Leah left with her family for a trip to a theme park, and Abby left for her flight for a spontaneous overnight visit to her cousins Molly and Cassie in Washington, D.C. Leah and Abby made it clear they were both going to be back in time for Bram's pool party the next afternoon.

However, Bobby and his crew were still putting the finishing touches on his bedroom, so he didn't think it was a good idea for them to hang out at his house before then. The three of them sat in Leah's living room couch, the TV on but with none of them paying any attention. Instead, they were talking about random stuff. Well, Leah and Abby were. Simon's mind was somewhere else.

"You guys, I don't know if I want to do this," Simon said suddenly.

Leah and Abby both turned to look at him. "Do what?"

"Go to Bram's pool party. Jesus. I hide from everybody at school and now I'm suddenly going to turn up at another one of his parties? In my swim trunks? And I'm supposed to be okay with it?"

"Simon, I think you're overthinking this. People aren't going to be attending Bram's party with the intention of ogling you, they're there to have a good time. And they don't even know that you're gonna be there. Also, they must have gotten over that whole ferris wheel thing by now, right? I mean, that was months ago!" Leah said.

"Maybe Karamo can give you some good advice about this. He always comes through. Didn't he study as a psychotherapist or something?" Abby added.

"Yes, he did. But I'm also pretty nervous about that."

"About talking to Karamo?"

"Yeah. Look, I love the Fab Five, you guys know that. But as you've seen on Queer Eye, the heroes are most vulnerable when they talk to Karamo and honestly... I don't know if I'm ready for that. I mean, I was already sort of vulnerable when I told them about everything that happened and why I never left my room the entire time this summer, but that didn't involve anyone asking me in-depth questions."

Leah put her hand on Simon's arm and started caressing it. "Simon, you'll be fine. Karamo knows how to do this. I don't think he's going to make you uncomfortable on purpose. He's not going to force an answer out of you. He knows his stuff. Remember, all the heroes feel so much better about themselves after they talk to him. I'm sure you're no exception."

Simon exhaled. "God, I really hope you're right."

They watched TV for a couple more hours until someone knocked at Leah's door. Since they weren't filming inside Leah's house, that meant they were only there to pick Simon up. Leah got up to open the door and it was Karamo himself. "Come on in, Karamo!" she said.

"So, Simon! We're ready when you are," he said, a big encouraging smile on his face. 

Simon and his friends hugged goodbye, Leah and Abby wishing him luck with filming and him wishing them both to have fun and safe trips. He also asked Abby to say hi to Molly and Cassie for him. He's only met them through Skype a few times, but they were two of the coolest people he's ever known. He wished he could be friends with them too.

"I thought we could take a walk through a park today, is that cool? It's a beautiful day out, it's not too hot, and we can always sit down under a tree or something," Karamo said once they were outside, putting his arm around Simon's shoulders.

"Oh, absolutely. I don't mind where we go."

"You've seen the show so you know I usually take the heroes somewhere to do an actual activity, but for my segment there's really no formula. I tailor it specifically for the person I'm helping. And for you, Simon, I thought we could just talk. No activities aside from the walk in the park. And your friends have mentioned that you've been holed up in your room for the past few weeks since school let out, so I just want you to get some fresh air."

Simon nodded.

He and Karamo walked towards the neighbourhood park, about five minutes from Leah's house, trailed by the camera crew the whole way. They made small talk, asked each other how their day was, Simon asked questions about the production of Queer Eye, and Karamo talked about his sons until they got to the park.

They walked towards a bench near a tree. There weren't that many people in the park--Simon assumed everyone was swimming somewhere or that parents had left their kids with baby-sitters since it was a Thursday afternoon. Nevertheless, nobody stared at them.

"I've been thinking about what happened to you last year and earlier this year, and the biggest element that stood out to me is the need for closure. Now, closure isn't for everyone. There are people who are okay with not getting closure or even prefer not to have it at all. They'd prefer to just move on with their life, they think closure is overrated, et cetera. But then there are people in some situations where they need closure, that they won't be able to move on if they don't get it."

"Okay."

"Let me ask you this: do you want closure right now? I mean, I know there's nothing we can do about Blue, your penpal. We don't know who he is and we can't force him to reveal himself. But what about closure in other ways? The person who outed you, have you tried getting closure with him? Making amends?"

Simon was taken aback. Making amends with _Martin?_ The person who basically drove Blue away? That guy?

"I've already had my form of closure with him. Not on the day I was outed, but when school started again, these two homophobic bullies made fun of me and the only other openly gay kid during lunch at the cafeteria. They made a whole scene with it, and they were sent to the principal's office. I was so humiliated. When school let out, the person who outed me, he followed me to the school parking lot and tried to apologize. He said he didn't think people still did that kind of stuff and that the only reason why he did what he did was to shift the humiliation to somebody else, because my friend Abby rejected him. I was so angry. I didn't accept his apology and I told him to stay away from me. He did pay for an extra ticket for the ferris wheel that night, but it was too late. The damage was done. I was supposed to be the one to choose how I come out and who to come out to and... he took that away from me. And worst of all he took Blue away from me."

"So for you, that was closure enough?"

Simon nodded resolutely. "Yeah. I've said what I needed to say to him that day in the parking lot. Before all of that happened, I actually thought he was okay. He was a little annoying but I had nothing against him. God, I even remember when he started blackmailing me into helping him get with Abby. I went to his house and tried to _Queer Eye_ him, before I even knew what Queer Eye was."

Karamo smiled. "You did?"

"Yeah. I went to his room, and it was the cringiest thing I've ever seen. There was magic stuff everywhere. Most of his shirts had these embarrassing phrases on them, and I told him to throw them out."

They both laughed.

"So you have no interest in making amends with this person?"

"Honestly... no." Simon didn't even have to think about it. "I have no interest in being friends with him or even being on good terms with him. He's apologized, which I've now accepted, but what he did was just _not_ okay. I mean, it wasn't even an accident! He did it deliberately and with purpose. It wasn't an honest mistake. What he did was homophobic and I'm not even obligated to forgive him, but I did anyway. But I don't want to make amends with him."

Karamo nodded understandingly. "Okay. That's fair enough, Simon. People think you're always supposed to forgive someone who's done you something _so_ wrong but what they don't realize is forgiveness is entirely up to the person who's been wronged. Forgiveness isn't a right, it's a privilege. But I do hope that, even if you don't want to make amends with him, you don't carry this burden in your heart-"

"No, no, I barely think about him. I don't lose sleep at night thinking about what he's done to me. You can't turn back time. I don't want to be friends with him but he's not living in my mind rent-free. So it's nothing like that."

"So from what I hear, it's not closure that you need. But I know that you've also been struggling with interacting again with your peers? Opening yourself up to the world again? Have I gotten that right?"

Simon sighed. "Well... yeah. Since January, I just... kept my head down until school was done. I was in the library every single day, any time I wasn't in class, ate my lunch there even though I wasn't allowed. The librarian felt bad for me, I think. I didn't go to any parties or dances, didn't say hi to anyone, I would only talk to my friends through text and even then I was scarce. I just wanted to hide myself from the world. And it's not just because I was humiliated in front of the junior class because the person I liked didn't show up, which was embarrassing enough on its own, but it's also because _Blue is one of them._ For all I know he was standing there in front of the ferris wheel, and he chose not to let me know who he was. And I've been walking around school not saying hi to anyone because I knew any one of them could be Blue and they're just choosing not to tell me. And I couldn't handle that."

"Simon, I understand how humiliated you must have felt. Everything you've felt about this entire situation is perfectly valid. Now, I don't know who this Blue person is, but I think you have to see where they're coming from. What if they weren't ready to come out? What if they did have feelings for you but knowing that you were under the spotlight then, they got scared of letting you know who they were?"

Simon shook his head. He felt tears leaking out of his eyes. "But there could've been other ways, Karamo. I understand him standing me up at the ferris wheel, but did that have to mean cutting contact with me forever? He could've told me on a different day in his own terms. I just don't know why it had to be like this."

And then he was sobbing. On camera. In front of a Netflix superstar and his camera crew. Where it will probably be broadcasted to millions of people in 190 countries. Great.

But he couldn't stop, no matter how much he wanted to. All the heartache and humiliation of the past six months all came flushing out. Even without being able to see, he knew his entire face was red and streaked with snot. Karamo was already rubbing his back sympathetically before he even realized it. 

"Let it all out, Simon. Don't bottle up your emotions," Karamo said, handing him a pack of tissues from one of the production assistants.

He blew his nose. "Thanks."

"You okay?" Karamo asked.

Simon took a deep breath. He had calmed down. For now, at least. He tried to smile. "Yeah."

"I think what you really need is to do something cathartic. Get you back out there and show the world, that even if you're not fine yet, that you will be. When was the last time you went to a party?"

"About eight months ago. Around Halloween last year."

"Do you think a party might be good for you? I feel like you haven't enjoyed yourself these past few months, Simon. One night of fun won't hurt you."

"Actually, one of my school friends... he's throwing a pool party tomorrow. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go but Leah and Abby want me to."

"There you go, Simon! I think going to this party could be good for you. Talk to your friends. Not about your problems, but just about anything else. Talk to people you haven't talked to before. If you show the world you're fine and happy, which I know you will be, they're not going to define you as that kid who got rejected. They'll just know you as Simon, the kid who was brave enough to take a risk. And I know after that everybody's gonna forget about what happened. If they see you moving on, they're going to move on too. Your heartbreak doesn't have to define you forever, Simon. Remember that."

Simon nodded, making a decision. "Okay. I'm going to tell them that I'm going to the party tomorrow. Thank you, Karamo."

"So who's this friend that's throwing the party?"

"His name is Bram. He's the one who threw the Halloween party I went to last year."

"And how was that?"

"It was a rager. I dressed up as John Lennon and Leah dressed up as Yoko Ono. Abby dressed up as Wonder Woman. It was a lot of fun, I'll admit." He conveniently omitted the fact that he got stupid drunk, because as big a fan as he was of the Fab Five and Karamo, he didn't know what his views were on underage drinking. 

Karamo smiled wistfully to himself. "God, I remember high school. I was a gay teenager just like you, but I wasn't outed. I came out of my own volition. I can confidently tell you this, Simon: whatever this is, whatever you're going through right now, this is only the eye of the storm. What with your generation being the next leaders of the world? Everything is going to get better from here. Trust me."

Simon had probably heard Karamo talk to not just Queer Eye heroes but to talk show hosts and other people in general hundreds of times by this point, but he didn't realize until now just how calm and clearheaded Karamo could make someone until he got to experience it for himself. 

He didn't know how he was going to survive without the Fab Five. Their last day together was tomorrow.

He looked at his surroundings. The sun was blinding, but it wasn't hot. There was a cool breeze going. Karamo was sitting right next to him, not expecting him to say anything, which Simon appreciated. And even though there was a camera crew next to them, they were almost invisible.

Simon didn't want his first day without the Fab Five to come.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon says good-bye to the Fab Five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS for Love, Simon/Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda. Don't read the tail end of this chapter if you haven't read the book or watched the film.

Since Leah and her family were gone for the night, Simon had no choice but to sleep at his own house. Bobby and his crew had already cleaned up his bedroom since the reveal was going to be the next morning, but it was a surprise so he wasn't allowed to sleep in it. Therefore, he was resigned to the living room couch, but he didn't mind.

Bobby and his crew emerged from the stairs to leave for the last time. The crew exited through the front door, giving their goodbyes, but Bobby stayed behind. He stopped by the Spiers' living room where all four of them were sitting, watching TV as per their after-dinner routine.

"Hey, Simon, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Simon stood up in a jolt, almost tripping over his own feet. He had spent the last few days with the Fab Five, but he did not have the chance to talk to Bobby that much aside from that first day when Bobby asked him brief questions about what he wanted his bedroom to look like. In true Simon fashion, he said, "Whatever you think looks good, Bobby. I don't mind." But also, he wasn't sure how to talk to any of them when the cameras weren't rolling.

The two of them went to the kitchen and sat down at the breakfast table.

"Hi, Bobby. What's up? Is there a problem with my room?"

"No, nothing like that. I just wanted to talk to you now that your room's all done. We're going to be busy filming tomorrow so we might not get the chance to have a real conversation one-on-one, and I just want to cover my bases."

"Um... okay, what did you want to talk about?"

Bobby took a deep breath. "I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Now I know we've only known each other a few days, and we haven't had any intimate conversations like you've had with the rest of the guys, but I needed you to know that. When David and Rachelle first told us that one of the heroes was going to be a gay high school student who got outed, I... I choked up. Because I immediately got reminded of my own past. And I came into this in fear that what you've experienced was worse than I have. I expected the worst, I thought you were going to be someone who got kicked out of their house or something like that. When I got here, I was _relieved_ that that wasn't the case. That you're healthy, and you have friends, and a family that wholeheartedly supports you and loves you. But that doesn't mean you haven't had a rough time, and when I heard the story of how you got outed... I'm just glad that you're still here. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. Even though you've been down these past few months, I'm glad you're sticking it out, and listening to us, your crazy elder gays-"

Simon laughed.

"But really. From the bottom of my heart. I'm proud of you."

Simon was blown away. Imagine having Bobby Berk tell you he was proud of you.

"Bobby. You guys have no idea how much you mean to me. Sincerely and truly. I wouldn't know where I'd be if I didn't have Queer Eye. It's almost fate that I've discovered the show and you guys exactly came into my life when I needed you the most."

They both stood up. Bobby gave him a hug.

They walked towards the living room. Simon sat back down. "Bye, y'all! See you tomorrow!" Bobby said as he opened the front door and got out.

"That man has my heart," Mrs Spier said to no one in particular.

 

\---

Simon slept more deeply than he anticipated. He was eventually woken up by someone gently shaking his shoulder. He cracked his eyes open to see Tan bent close to his face. "Rise and shine, Simon," he said, smiling.

He knew he should feel embarrassed that an actual member of the Fab Five saw what he looked like while he was sleeping and had morning breath, but he remembered they had all already seen him naked except for a towel. He didn't care. Instead, he stretched his arms above his head. "Good morning, Tan," he said, flinging back his blanket and standing up from the couch. 

"Come on, love," Tan said, putting each of his hands on Simon's shoulders as he prodded him towards the kitchen. "Antoni made breakfast."

Simon rubbed the sleep from his eyes to see more clearly. Standing there around his kitchen counter were the rest of the Fab Five, grabbing plates, cutlery, slices of turkey bacon, pancakes, fresh fruit, glasses of juice, and scrambled eggs. They cheered when they saw him. "Simon! You're finally awake!" Jonathan yelled.

"Good morning, everyone."

"Now, we talked to your parents earlier and sadly, they're not going to be here for the big reveal since they couldn't get time off work. But they told us to wish you luck today, not that you need it," Karamo said.

"That's fine! They can see my new room when they get home," Simon said. He glanced at Bobby, remembering the conversation they had the night before. Bobby was already looking at him. He winked. Simon grinned.

Eventually, Nora woke up and came downstairs, so naturally they invited her to sit and eat. The seven of them all sat down and had breakfast together. Simon almost forgot that this was his last day with the Fab Five. He pushed that fact to the back of his mind and forced himself to enjoy the moment.

After they had all eaten and the dishes were cleared, Tan and Jonathan offering to clean up, a crew member told them they were going to start filming in an hour. That was Simon's cue to get dressed--not in the outfit Tan helped him pick, but just his normal clothes pre-Queer Eye. He ruffled through the bag he had packed for Leah's (since he still couldn't go inside his room) and got dressed in his parents' bedroom.

"Simon, call your friends! They're going to want to see your new room and outfit!" Jonathan said.

"Ugh, I wish I could, but both of them are out of town. They won't be back until this afternoon. They're gonna have to see it later."

"Oh well, at least Nora's here," Antoni said.

Various crew and production staff members were running around his house, setting up equipment. Two women came over to him to quickly fix his hair and apply a thin layer of foundation to his face, something about lighting and how it was going to look on camera. He looked in the mirror and noticed that they had styled his hair similar to Antoni's. He smiled to himself.

"Okay, we're ready for you, Simon. Speeding!"

A few moments later, the Fab Five were walking Simon and Nora upstairs to his bedroom. None of the Fab Five except for Bobby had seen it, so all of their reactions, alongside his and Nora's, were going to be genuine.

Bobby opened the door. Simon's jaw dropped to the floor.

"Holy. Crap." 

His beige walls were repainted white, which made his room look a lot cleaner. Bobby replaced his old desk with a sleeker, more modern looking one that Simon knew was going to motivate him to study there instead of on his bed. Bobby didn't get rid of the various scraps and memorabilia he had stuck to his wall; instead he installed a giant corkboard on one corner of the room and put all of them there. Actual photos were framed and hung on the wall. Simon's band posters were also framed. Bobby had also installed a bigger bookshelf right above his desk to replace the small wooden boards he was cramming his books into. His closet was also replaced with a bigger and better one, which came with a shelf on the outside where his shoes were now placed in instead of a heap on the floor.

"Woooowwww," Nora gushed. 

He turned to Bobby. "Oh my God, Bobby, thank you so much," he said, going in for a hug.

"You're welcome, Simon. Notice how I fixed up your desk so now you have no excuses not to use it when you're studying. Also I got you a new bookshelf, so no excuses not to tidy up your books, either."

Bobby talked a little more about what he did to Simon's room, but he was only half-listening. He couldn't stop staring around it. It was such a shame Leah and Abby wouldn't get to see it until later.

After everyone was done gushing over Simon's room, the rest of the Fab Five and Nora went back downstairs, leaving Tan and Simon alone. Tan flung the closet doors wide open. "You ready to do this?"

"Absolutely."

A few minutes later, Tan also came downstairs. He sat down on the couch with everyone else and yelled, "Okay, Simon, we're ready for you!"

Simon emerged, dressed in a shiny navy blue bomber jacket with a plain red T-shirt underneath, slim black jeans, and new white low-cut sneakers. It was the beginning of summer so everyone was aware he couldn't realistically wear it outside at the moment, but that it was just a glimpse into what his new wardrobe was going to look like. 

"WOOOOOWWWWW."  
"You look amazing!"  
"You gave him a bomber? Good job, Tan!"  
"You look so handsome, Simon!"

"Thank you, everyone. I'm loving how I look," Simon said, making a few cheesy poses that made Nora laugh.

"How do you feel?" Tan asked.

Simon exhaled. He looked up at the ceiling to think of a genuine answer. "I feel... reformed. Is that weird?"

"Not at all, Simon!"

"It's just..." he looked down at his outfit. "The clothes I'm wearing, they're not even that much different to the clothes I used to wear, they're just _better._ And that makes me feel really, _truly_ good about myself," he said. He was saying this more to himself than to his audience. He turned to look at them. "God, I can't believe there was a point in time, just last year when I finally came to terms with my identity without being out to anyone, that I wondered how gay guys dressed. But I finally realized that there's no one way for us to dress ourselves. We're just us. I'm just me."

The Fab Five erupted in concurrence. "And don't forget what I told you, Simon. There's no right way to be gay. And there's no right way for any gay, LGBTQ kid to dress. You do you, henny!" Jonathan added.

Tan then asked Simon to go back upstairs and change into a second outfit that he had picked for him, a dark pair of shorts with a white, short-sleeved button-up shirt, a more realistic outfit if he was to go outside into the Atlanta summer heat. He emerged from the stairs, the shirt French tucked, of course.

He finally sat with them on the couch to have their last conversation. Before that, production staff told him off camera that since the pool party he was going to was going to be mostly minors, they couldn't film him there as part of the show's 'epilogue'. Instead, the Queer Eye camera crew would come back to Atlanta to film him getting ready for his first day of school and him picking up his friends in their usual carpool.

He sighed. It was time. "Guys, I've never been any good at speeches, so I'm just gonna go right out and say it: I don't want you to go." He was sitting with Karamo to his right and Tan to his left and he clutched their hands in his. "I want you to be here with me every day but I know that's selfish. These past few days were some of the best in my life and I don't know how to live the rest of it without you guys holding my hand."

"Aww." Simon saw Jonathan tearing up, resting his head on Bobby's shoulders. He then heard Antoni sniffle.

"You can do this, Simon," Tan said, squeezing his hand in his. "We might not be physically by your side, but we're _always_ one call or text message away. We'll also check in on you from time to time. This isn't the end of your relationship with us. Okay?"

Simon felt himself tearing up. He felt like a little kid being dropped off on the first day of kindergarten who didn't want his mom to leave. He nodded tearfully. "Okay."

"We love you, Simon. We will always be here for you. Not just because you remind us of ourselves and what we went through when we were your age, being young gay men, but also because we genuinely care about you as a person," Antoni added.

"And look. You might be down in the dumps romance-wise now, but it'll get better, maybe sooner than you think. But if not, then... not being in a romantic relationship isn't the end of the world. You have plenty of time, and you should be spending it dating yourself first, anyways," Jonathan said.

"No matter what you do, just know we're proud of you," Bobby said, echoing what he already told Simon last night.

After a couple of more minutes of them giving Simon advice, they all stood up. They hugged Simon and then Nora one by one. "It was nice to meet you, Nora," Antoni said as he hugged her.

"Bye, Simon! Bye, Nora! We love you!" they said.

Against the wishes of every fiber of his being, Simon closed the door behind them.

\----

It had been about two hours since the Fab Five and the Queer Eye production crew left his house. Nora had gone over to a friend's house shortly after, his parents were obviously still at work, and Leah and Abby weren't back from their respective trips yet. 

He was in his newly transformed room, gazing at it. His favorite part had to be the new bookshelf that Bobby installed. It was bigger and more spacious, so he felt he had every reason to buy new books to fill it. He beamed.

Suddenly, his phone pinged with a new text. Leah just wrote to their groupchat.

L: Gonna reach Atlanta in about 45 minutes. I might not be able to hang out with you guys before the party cuz I'm suuuper tired. Can we all just meet up at the party?  
S: Aw, man! When are you guys gonna see my new room and clothes?  
L: Oh my God, I forgot about that! Can we all leave the party a little early to check it out? *crying emoji*  
S: Fine. Deal.  
A: Sounds good, guys. I'm about to board the plane. TTYL!  
S: Have a safe flight, Abby! *airplane emoji*

A couple hours later, after trying on all of his brand new clothes and eating leftover apple oatmeal cookies that Antoni taught them how to make, it was time to get ready for Bram's party. Simon got dressed, putting on swim trunks underneath his new shorts. He raced downstairs to leave and found his mom entering through the door.

"Oh! Hey, Mom! My room's all done, you can see it for yourself! I'm off to Bram's party now, okay?"

"Okay, honey, have fun. Be back by midnight, please!"

Simon drove to Bram's house. Strangely, his street was empty of partygoers' cars. Maybe it was a small party? Maybe everyone except for him parked somewhere else?

Nevertheless, Simon got out of the car. Even stranger, the front door was wide open.

The house seemed completely empty. "Hello?" he called out. "Bram? Garrett?"

He walked through to the kitchen and into the backyard where the pool was. It was all set up, lounge chairs lined up and floaties already inflated, ready to be used. Strings of lights and plastic flowers were hung everywhere. It was obvious there was going to be a party, although he didn't know where anyone was. Leah and Abby weren't even here.

"Simon."

He turned around. Bram was walking slowly towards him, as if he knew he was going to be the first one to arrive.

"Hey, Bram. Where is everyone? Your text said 5pm, didn't it?"

"I sent everyone a text saying the party's been pushed back to 6pm."

"Everyone except me...?"

Bram licked his lips nervously. "I didn't send you the text because I needed you here early. Because I needed time to talk to you."

Now Simon was even more confused. "Okay... what's up?"

Bram took a deep breath, then let it out. "Simon."

Simon stared into his dark brown eyes. "Yeah?"

"It's me. I'm Blue."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon finally finds out the truth about Blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter is a SPOILER for Love, Simon/Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda.

Simon started to shake, although he didn't realize it.

"Maybe you should sit down," Bram said, leading him to a nearby chair.

Simon laughed incredulously to himself. Was this all a big prank? Was he lured to an empty house with the premise of a party just so someone he thought was his friend could pull a mean one on him?

Bram sat next to him. "Bram, if this is your idea of a joke, I swear-"

"It's not a joke, Simon. It's really me. I'm Blue, I swear to you."

Simon blinked several times. "It's... you? But the girl.... at the party-"

"Was a drunken mistake," Bram said. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I wish I told you sooner-"

"So you're the one who stood me up at the carnival? When I rode that ferris wheel like fifty times hoping you would show up?"

"Yes. I'm so sorry. If I could turn back time, I would."

"But... why? Why, Bram? From our emails I really thought you might have had the same feelings for me as I did for you. Was I wrong?"

Bram closed his eyes, and slowly shook his head. "Not in the slightest," he said quietly.

"So why didn't you show up?"

Bram exhaled. "I was there that night. When you were up there in the ferris wheel waiting for me. I was running a little late, I couldn't get my aunt off the phone. By the time I got there, there were so many people watching you. I could've sworn almost the entire junior class was there. That's what I was afraid of. I hoped that if I got there a little early, or at least on time, I could've talked to you without a lot of people ogling us. But I was too late. There were just so many of them and I couldn't get to you without it being... a spectacle of some sort. I swear to you, Simon, I was going to reveal myself to you that night. But I couldn't. Not with that many people watching. I wanted that moment to have been just between us, and I would've figured out how to come out to everyone else soon after. But I knew submitting a post to the Creekwood Secrets blog was the only way you could get to me, because I deleted my email after Martin outed you. And I'm sorry for that too."

The entire time Bram was talking, Simon hung his head, staring at the ground. He couldn't look Bram in the eye. But now he raised his head.

"So why didn't you reach out to me after that, Bram? I couldn't figure that part out."

This time it was Bram who hung his head. "Because I was ashamed."

"What?"

"I stood you up at the carnival, Simon. I abandoned you. If you thought I had the guts to face you after that and tell you that your beloved penpal, Blue, was me, then you're wrong. I'm a coward."

Simon felt tears spring to his eyes for the second time that day. He slowly reached his hand out and touched Bram's cheek, which was also dampening with tears. "No, you're not."

"But I am. A day turned into a week which turned into months and by then I knew it was too late to let you know. And I saw you floating through school like a ghost. I knew you would never forgive me, so I just didn't tell you. In fact, I didn’t tell anyone except for my family. Garrett didn't even know."

"Really?"

"Mhm. I came out to him once school was over, just so there was less pressure on him to keep it a secret at school. These past few months have just been me psyching myself out to finally come out and tell everyone else."

It slowly dawned on Simon.

"Wait a minute. Is this pool party... your coming out party?"

Bram nodded. "Yeah. But people won't know until towards the end. I even have a speech prepared, the whole shebang. It was Garrett's idea. The party I mean, not the speech."

There was a pregnant pause. 

"Look, Simon, I don't exactly know if you still have feelings for me, or Blue... but it doesn't matter. I know you deserve the truth regardless of your feelings towards me. I didn't really know how or when to tell you but when I saw you at that cafe a couple days ago, I knew I had to tell you soon. I want you to know that not a day went by where I didn't think of you, or of you in that ferris wheel. I dreamt about it for weeks on end. If you don't want to be friends with me, if you just want nothing to do with me, I understand-"

"Bram. I want everything to do with you."

A slow, hopeful smile emerged onto Bram's face. "Really?"

Simon nodded. "Actually... maybe I owe you an apology too. It wasn't fair of me to ask you to come out to everyone at the carnival like that-"

"No, Simon, I knew posting it to Creekwood Secrets was the only way-"

"It still wasn't fair of me, Bram. I was outed by Martin, he took my coming out away from me. Just because it was for love doesn't make me taking away _your_ coming out any different. I realize that now. I'm sorry you got scared and that you felt like you couldn't talk to me."

"It's okay," Bram whispered, wiping away a tear.

They sat there by the pool, staring into each other's eyes. After a few moments, Simon said, "I'm still in love with you, Bram." 

"You are?"

"No matter how many times I told myself I was going to move on, my feelings for you never changed. Even if I didn't know who you were."

The two of them drew in for a kiss, perfectly in sync with each other.

\---

 

Abby and Leah arrived at Bram's house at the same time. They were both carrying tote bags filled with towels and a change of clothes.

"Oh, hey girl," Abby greeted.

"How was the trip to D.C.?" Leah asked.

"Amazing. Even if it was for less than a day it was still good to catch up with my cousins."

They walked through Bram's house, noticing it was still empty. They walked through the doors that led to the backyard.

There, their faces illuminated by a string of lightbulbs above them, were Simon and Bram. Holding hands. 

"Hey, guys..." Leah said slowly, walking up to them. "What's going on?" she asked, hoping it sounded casual.

Bram stood up. "Welcome to my coming out party," he said right away.

"I'm sorry, your what now?" Abby asked.

"I'm gay. Also, I'm Blue, Simon's penpal who stood him up at the carnival earlier this year. That was me. Side note: Simon and I are in love."

Their jaws dropped. They looked at Simon for confirmation.

He shrugged. "It's all true. But he won't announce his coming out until near the end, so don't tell anyone. It's a surprise."

"Speaking of, Garrett should be here by now..." Bram said, distractedly looking at his watch. He walked back inside, leaving the three of them in the backyard.

Leah immediately rushed over to the chair that Bram previously occupied. "OH MY GOD, IS THIS FOR REAL? Is Bram really Blue? Holy shit, Simon!"

"Calm down," Simon said good-naturedly. "Yes, he's Blue. It's a long story, but basically he _was_ going to reveal himself to me at the ferris wheel and he got stage fright. He was embarrassed so he didn't have the guts to tell me afterwards. That's all. But he's finally told me so it's all in the past now."

Abby smiled. "Wow, Simon," she gushed. "Is it safe to assume this was caused by the magic powers of the Fab Five?"

Simon smiled to himself. "Ha. Maybe." He wished he could text them right now and tell them he finally knew who Blue was. He was still going to have to process all of his emotions and luckily his mom was a therapist, but even if he wanted to text them right now he knew they would all be too tired to check their inbox anyway. He'd tell them another time.

Garrett arrived a few minutes later. Soon after, Bram's aunt's house began to fill up. His soccer teammates were there, a few of his neighbours who also went to Creekwood High, kids from Bram's other clubs, friends that he and Garrett shared. There were at least forty people that came, which was way less than his Halloween party last year but still a significant number, which he planned. A couple of hours into the party and the snacks and alcohol were now mostly gone, people were splashing each other in the pool, having chickenfights, whacking each other with pool noodles.

Bram knew it was time. At the last minute, he decided to scrap the speech he had prepared, realizing it was better to be short and sweet about it. He picked up the glass he was drinking from and tapped it with a spoon, as if he was going to make a toast during a wedding reception. "Can I have everyone's attention?"

It was clear that not everyone heard him. A few people were getting out of the pool but most of them were still talking.

"HEY EVERYONE! BRAM HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!" Garrett yelled.

The party quieted down. More people got out of the pool and the ones who stayed put at least turned towards Bram, giving him their attention. 

Bram cleared his throat. "Thank you, Garrett. First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for coming to this party. I hope you guys are having fun so far and that you liked my Halloween party enough to come back to my aunt's house."

Everyone laughed.

"Second of all... I didn't throw this party just because I wanted to see you guys and let you all have fun. This party actually has a specific purpose. It's a way for me to finally come out and tell you all that I'm gay."

That brought murmurs within the party.

"But that's not all. Not only am I gay, but I'm Blue. I was Simon Spier's penpal, who didn't show up for him at the carnival."

Simon was standing near Bram. He didn't count on him also telling everyone that he was Blue, but he didn't care. He wasn't embarrassed that Bram brought it up. He wasn't ashamed of that night anymore. A couple of people did ask him about that night during the party, but he didn't mind telling them how it made him feel. He knew Karamo told him he should talk to people about anything other than his problems, especially at a party, but it wasn't really a problem anymore.

It was just something he was working through. Something he had to process. And talking about it honestly was part of that process.

Now Bram gestured to him, motioning for him to come closer. Bram clasped his hand in his. "Simon and I are in love."

That brought even louder murmurs. After a few seconds, someone whooped. Which brought a few claps. Which brought a few cheers...

Until the entire backyard erupted with claps and cheers, all for Bram and Simon.

"YEAH! GO BRAM! GO SIMON!" someone yelled.

Simon squinted to see who it was. It was Ethan, the only other openly gay kid at their school whom Simon didn't even notice when he arrived. He grinned and flashed Ethan a thumbs up.

Simon thought about it, and he realized he had a lot to thank Ethan for. He was the first one to come out so for a long time he received the brunt of the homophobic bullying the goons at Creekwood inflicted upon him. But when Simon was outed, knowing that he wasn't alone when Ethan was around comforted him, even just a little. Ethan was a pioneer. He made a mental note to talk to Ethan and thank him before the party ended.

After Bram's announcement, the party went back into full swing. It was another couple of hours until it finally died down and people started leaving.

"Way to go, Bram."  
"I'm so happy for you, guys."

"Thanks for coming, everyone!" Bram yelled as the guests left.

"Hey, man, I gotta go too. I'll talk to you tomorrow," Garrett said. "It was nice to see you, Simon." He patted Simon's arm. "Abby. Leah."

Now it was just the four of them left in the backyard. 

"That. Was. Awesome," Abby gushed.

Bram laughed through his nose. "You're not the one who has to clean this all up."

After Bram and Simon kissed good-bye, promising each other to call the other tomorrow after Simon insisted on helping Bram clean up to which Bram just shooed him away, Simon, Leah, and Abby walked towards Simon's car.

"Are you guys even up for looking at my room right now? You _have_ to be exhausted," Simon said, unlocking the doors.

"No way, man! Well, we are, but we felt bad that we couldn't be there for the big reveal," Abby said.

"We have to see it now, Simon," Leah added.

"Okay, but why don't you guys stay over? I'm too tired to drive you guys home."

"Deal!"

Leah and Abby had similar reactions to everyone who saw Simon's room earlier that day. While they laid there in his newly refurbished room, he told them all about the conversations he had with the Fab Five, about how he told them he didn't want them to leave, and how all of them cried having their last conversation.

"Oh my God, are you gonna tell them about Bram?! About how he turned out to be Blue?" Abby asked.

Simon giggled. "You know what? I thought about it at the party and I think... it'll be a nice surprise for them. I mean I'll tell them that I feel happier and a lot better about myself, obviously thanks to them, but I won't mention Bram specifically. Let them find that out when they film me on the first day of school."

Simon realized he would not have had the experience he had that week if it hadn't been for Leah and Abby. "Hey, guys?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For nominating me. I wouldn't have any of this happen to me if it wasn't for you guys. Meeting the Fab Five, getting my life transformed... it was all thanks to you."

Leah and Abby looked at each other for a brief moment, then turned to him. "We would do anything for you, Simon," Abby said.

The three of them talked some more, about the trips they took and the truths revealed to them all on that day alone, until they all slowly drifted into sleep, into vivid dreams they were going to disclose to one another the next morning.

\--- **EPILOGUE** \---  
_Two and a half months later_

"Boys! Get in here!" Tan France yelled as he sat down on a couch in front of a large flatscreen TV.

The Fab Five were in their loft in Atlanta, filming their viewings of the 'epilogues' of each hero's episode. These epilogues were all slightly different from each other. Some of them were proposals, others were small gatherings where their family and friends could view their transformation, both their personal ones and their houses'.

But this one was a bit more uneventful in nature. It was Simon Spier's first day of his senior year of high school.

"Coming!" Jonathan Van Ness said, twirling his way onto the couch. Eventually, Antoni Porowski, Karamo Brown, and Bobby Berk made their way into the living room and sat down, snacks and champagne flutes in hand.

The TV screen came to life.

It showed Simon Spier rifling through the different new shirts and bomber jackets that Tan had helped him pick out just three months earlier. He then chose a light-green button-up shirt, a black bomber jacket, dark gray jeans, and white sneakers.

"Yes! I love that on him! Good job, Simon!" Tan cheered.

Simon then made his way into the bathroom and applied the moisturizer that Jonathan bought for him in front of the mirror, among the facial wash and other creams that were meant to take care of Simon's skin.

"YASSS! Moisturization! Perfect!" Jonathan yelled.

Simon then came downstairs and walked towards the kitchen, where he greeted his family good morning. He helped his sister make pancake batter, and she showed him how to properly cook pancakes on the griddle.

"Aww, it's so nice to see him spend some quality time with her, even if it's just cooking breakfast before school," Antoni gushed.

The camera followed Simon, showing him get into his car and drive first to his best friend Leah's house, then to Nick's, then to Abby's, and finally, to a fourth person's.

A young black man opened the door of the passenger side, slid in, and kissed Simon on the lips.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?"  
"OMIGOD! OMIGOD! THEY JUST KISSED!"  
"Who is he? Is he Blue? Did Simon find a boyfriend?"

Bram Greenfeld looked at Simon slyly. "Good morning, _Jacques._ "

Simon laughed. "Good morning to you too, _Blue._ "

"HE'S BLUE? WHY DIDN'T SIMON TELL US THIS? WHY DIDN'T HE TELL US HE FOUND OUT WHO BLUE WAS?"

"I'm gonna call him as _soon_ as this is over!"

On the screen, Simon Spier, his boyfriend, and his three best friends got out of the car and walked towards the school building, where students of various colours and shapes and sizes and genders and sexual orientations milled around.

As the Fab Five from Netflix's Queer Eye erupted into excited cheers and babbles, they weren't aware of the future that was to come.

They weren't aware that approximately ten years into the future, after the reboot of Queer Eye had long since finished its run, they would all get fancy invitations with beautiful calligraphy, in the mail. 

They weren't aware that they would all be dressed in their best tuxedos, hand in hand with their respective spouses, walking into a beautifully decorated reception hall.

They weren't aware they would all bear witness to two young men vow to love each other forever, in front of all their friends and loved ones, the five of them included.

They weren't aware that these two men would cuddle on the couch in front of their TV, turn on Netflix, click on their old show and play one specific episode that helped one of them immensely, with all the different aspects of his life. And they would laugh and squeal and cry while watching it.

"I still can't believe you were on Queer Eye and I didn't find out for two and a half months," Bram said, turning to his husband after the episode was finished. "And that your last day of filming was on the same day as my coming out party."

"Sorry, babe. It never came up," Simon replied, grinning.

"So who was your favourite? You spent time with all five of them, you must have had a favourite," Bram asked.

"I don't know. I never really thought about it. But does it actually matter?" Simon asked.

As they clasped each other's hands tightly, knowing the other would always be there when they wake up, Bram realized it didn't.

**THE END**


End file.
